Page 9 of Love or Your Money Back

‘Frederick is a fine name,’ says Aunty Sylvia. ‘It means ‘peaceful ruler’, you know.’

I snort.

‘So, Kat.’ Freddy arranges his long legs in front of him. ‘Let’s talk business.’

‘Do you know what, Sylvia?’ I shuffle away from Freddy. ‘I don’t think there’s room on this log for Freddy. What if the dentist comes back?’

‘Oh, he was bald,’ says Sylvia. ‘Freddy here has a full head of hair. And he’s so handsome. Much better. Now, Freddy. Please forgive Katerina’s rather plain outfit. She’s a modern woman. Always in work mode. She needs a good man to dress up for. She has a lovely figure under all that loose clothing. And don’t worry about those little physical problems of hers. They come and go.’

‘What physical problems?’ Freddy asks.

I feel my face and neck heating up.

‘I’m fine,’ I say, mortified to be turning red. It’s a horrible quirk I inherited from my mother. Really obvious blushing.

‘Well, right now, yes.’ Sylvia pats the bag on my lap. ‘But you have a debilitating chronic illness, darling. Sometimes, she has flare-ups so bad that she can barely walk, Frederick.’

‘Does she now?’ Freddy gives me an enquiring smile. ‘Well that explains the seesaw that is Little Voice’s profit figures –’

‘I hold things together just fine. Now please shush. They’re saying their vows.’

‘She is.’ Freddy crosses his arms and leans back. ‘The groom isn’t. He’s showboating. Playing to the crowd. He doesn’t mean a word of it. What’s so great about that guy that you still want to be with him?’

‘I don’t.’

‘Really? The way you’re watching him tells me something different.’

‘It’s over. He’s marrying someone else. I’m here for closure.’

‘But still.’ Freddy turns to me. ‘Do you wish you were the one up there, wearing the dress?’

‘Of course, I wish things had worked out. But life isn’t a fairy tale. Not for me, anyway. And my personal life is none of your business.’

‘So let’s talk about something that is my business,’ says Freddy. ‘Our business.’

‘It’s notourbusiness,’ I say. ‘It’s my business. And we are certainly not going to talk about it here. Weddings are supposed to be civilised affairs.’

‘Come on, Kat. You know we need to make changes –’

Maleficent turns again, bony finger to her lips. ‘SHUSH!’

CHAPTER5

Two Weeks Earlier …

As Freddy picks up Kat’s crappy, age-stained phone to call Book Haven, he reflects on his surroundings. He is used to making business deals on a Bang and Olsen phone in a gleaming glass office, with a personal assistant making notes and handing him research documents.

The Little Voice office, with its brown 1970s desks, thin, blue carpet and old coffee vending machine that very possibly still takes shillings, does not gleam. And the staff look … what is the opposite of dynamic? Weak? Ineffectual? He’ll have one of his assistants look it up when he gets back to Salt Marketing.

The call connects.

‘Hey, Mike!’ Freddy feels Kat’s eyes boring into his shoulders. ‘It’s Freddy Stark here. Co-owner of Little Voice. I’m just calling to apologise on behalf of Katerina. She wants to apologise herself, but she’s too emotional. You know how women are.’

A pen flies past Freddy’s ear. Not the sort of high-quality, branded pen you’d get in the Salt Marketing offices. A plain Bic biro.

‘So, Mike,’ Freddy continues. ‘I’ve got some insider information for you. No. Not about shares. That would be illegal. It’s about Little Voice’s lead title, which I’m very, very excited about. What’s that? Too long for the average consumer? Well, do you stockGame of Thrones? Of course you do. Yeah, okay … this book is a little longer thanGame of Thrones. But we’ll be editing it down for the mass market. Didn’t Kat mention that? It’ll be 500 pages. Plus, Kat gave you the working title. The real title is:Why Good Girls Get Married. I know. Great, right?’ How about we send three copies to each of your stores, sale or return? See how they do? Fantastic. I’ll have my assistant set something up.’

Freddy hangs up the phone. ‘You need to edit your marriage book down to 500 pages and change the title. Then Book Haven will stock it.’

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