Page 18 of Clover

“Absolutely. He’s wicked smart. Way more advanced than some of his older relatives.” Raven boasts. Almost proudly. Is there something more going on between these two that I need to investigate? I can’t complete that train of thought as Raven continues offering me something new to focus on.

“I can call him right now. I’m sure he can do it today.” Pulling out her phone, she finds his contact and calls him. I don’t have the strength to stop her or play the big brother card. If enlisting Blake’s help will find Clover faster, I’m all for it.

Chapter 8

Clover

No matter how hard I wish and pray that he’ll come bursting through the doors, Nix doesn’t appear. He doesn’t rush in like a knight in shining armor. There’s no miraculous rescue, no singing birds and trumpets blaring like in fairytales. No. Here, in reality, I’m stuck, trapped in this shiny modern hellscape. Every second losing a little more hope that I’ll get out before Braxton returns. The inevitability of his return looming in the back of my mind.

His first real visit to me ended with him satisfying himself all over my chest while holding me down. I can only imagine what he has planned for me next. Sex is one thing. I learned with my drug dealer ex how to deal with getting literally fucked when you don’t want to. Creating a mental escape to separate me from what’s happening. It’s amazing the things you can teach yourself to do when you want to get high. Detaching emotionally during forced copulation is apparently my ability.

It’s only sex, and sex can’t break me unless I let it and I don’t. What can break me? Mind games, the inability to leave whenever I please. Before, it was always my choice, and the door was always open. I could walk away whenever I wanted. Here I don’t have a choice. There’s no leaving or walking away. There is no saying no. The only way I leave this room is in a body bag. He’s made that perfectly clear.That’swhat scares me. The lack of control, being trapped against my will. All my freedoms suppressed and replaced with sparkly shiny upgrades to distract me. They can’t distract me. I’m not his pet like he thinks. There’s nothing in this world that would convince me to let him have me.

Even with the hate and venom coursing through my veins, I can’t muster the energy to get out of bed. Reality sinking in that Nix really might not be looking for me. That he may not care for me how I care for him. Once, he had told me I was the only girl he wanted, the only one that mattered. That seems like years ago when in reality, it was probably a week. Being here has skewed time.

I don’t know what day it is, what time it is, even though there’s a clock in the kitchen. I don’t look at it. I don’t want to see how many hours I’ve been here. I’m sure if I turned on the tv, I could easily discover the truth of time, days. But I can’t. Seeing people happy, smiling, laughing. It’ll only make it harder for every additional minute I remain here. Yearning for the ability to be like them. Free.

I’m trying really fucking hard, I swear I am. But the heavy weight of doubt and depression is a heavy bitch sitting on my chest, pulling me down deeper into the darkness. Normally at a time like this, I would crave the pills to numb the pain and quiet my mind. Right now, I’m already numb. No feelings, no thoughts beyond emptiness and pain. Just a black hole ripping its way through my psyche. Everything is already quiet and numb. I already can’t feel anything and can’t move. Who needs drugs when crippling depression can do it for free?

Braxton hasn’t returned since yesterday. I can only hope that means Nixisfighting for me and raining down a shit storm on his head. Or that he’s dead. I prefer the latter if given a choice. Not sure if that would make it easier or harder for someone to find me. I just hope whatever is keeping him away from me continues to do so. I don’t like playing Braxton’s games. He enjoys the pain too much. The torture and panic fuel his twisted desires.

Fuck me any way you please. Play games designed to infect me with fear and panic while telling me the only man I’ve probably ever really loved doesn’t care about me?

Unbearable.

Chapter 9

Phoenix

It only took Raven five minutes to tell Blake everything that I relayed to her about Clover’s disappearance when he agreed to help. Apparently, she was right. He doesn’t like the Shaw’s any more than we do. I'm not sure what the story is there, but I don’t really give a damn right now. We hadn’t even gotten to what we want him to do, and he was already offering to do whatever he can to help. I’ve never been very good about trusting people outside my family. Maybe I should change that.

Standing outside an apartment door numbered 413, Raven knocks gently.

“I was kind of expecting more.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. A penthouse or fancy loft in some high rise. Not a fourth-floor walkup unit in a middle-class apartment complex in the burbs.” The building isn’t new, but it isn’t old either. All very average and plain. Clean with working gates and locks. No guards or cameras, though. Except for one at the main gate to record cars coming in and out. Just your average run-of-the-mill apartment complex.

“Don’t judge him on his choice of residence. Not all people like the large, flashy house and multiple car garage and covered pool with built-in water feature.” She scowls her bright grey eyes at me under her thick dark lashes. I am so lucky Raven cares more about numbers than boys because I’d probably have added to my arrest record with multiple ‘assault of a minor’ charges if that weren’t the case.

“Ha ha, ok, I get it.” She was jabbing at me, but I could care less.

“Try and behave while we’re here.” Raven fiddles with the hem of her plain white tee, tucking it in slightly at the front but leaving the back sticking out the back of her ripped blue jeans. I’ll never understand teen girl fashion. Either tuck it or untuck it. What’s with this half-tucked bullshit?

“I always behave.” Lifting an eyebrow at her as I continue prodding. “Why? You got something going on with Blake that I should know about?”

“No. We’re just friends, and I’d like to remain friends, and you tend to scare people away.” She offers while staring at the door, trying to act cool.

“Touché. Fine, I’ll behave ---- Maybe.” Before she can shoot me, another dirty look Blake opens the door to his apartment. Dressed in a dark hoodie and jeans, he looks like any other guy his age. The room is low-lit behind him, and I can’t see much.

“Hi. Hi Raven.” He smiles at her then turns his attention to me. “Mr. Colton, sir.” His smile falters, seeing my unamused state. Clearing his throat, he regains his composure and manners.

“Please, come in.” opening the door wider, he gestures for us to enter. Raven steps in first, giving me a warning glance as she passes in front of me. I follow quietly.

Blakes apartment is average in its design but what he’s done with it is far from average. His living and dining room area has been almost completely overtaken by desks filled with computer screens, towers, and wires. A glow emanates from the half a dozen screens. One giant flat screen is mounted on the wall above the desks. A large elaborate desk chair that looks more like one of those professional gamer chairs sits at its epicenter. Illuminated by the screens.

Across the room from the setup that I can only assume can launch rockets to the moon is a couch and a couple end tables. Guess he doesn’t get guests very often. Even in technological chaos, there’s order. No piles of trash litter the floor or half-eaten pizza’s growing mold. It even smells nice in here. Like he used an air freshener. I can’t help but wonder if he does that normally or if it was because we were coming over. More specifically, because Raven was coming over.

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