Page 32 of Clover

Griffon’s hands lay on his desk, crossed over one another, and he does not flinch. He does not answer. He just keeps staring at me. Almost bored and waiting for me to finish so he can go back to work.

“That may not be covered under youraccords,but some people would agree that that fucker deserves death. And if you have any heart, you would do more than sit there and worry about your precious fucking accords.” The tears have taken over and roll freely down my face. I don’t know when they started, but now, I can’t stop them. All the pent-up frustration and guilt, and shame pours out of my eyes.

When he continues to say nothing and no one else can say anything, I make my escape fleeing the office before I can see the disgust and abhorrence in any of their faces onhisface. I don’t want to know how disgusted he is knowing I’ve been tainted by Braxton. I doubt Nix will ever want to touch me again after this.

Chapter 17

Phoenix

When I caught up with Clover, she wouldn’t even look at me. Every time I tried to touch her, she pulled away, and, in the end, Rosie drove her home. I tailgated them the entire way. She went straight to her room and locked the door. No matter how much I wanted to break it down, I didn’t. I couldn’t scare her like that. If she wanted to be alone, I couldn’t blame her. She dropped quite a bomb in my brother’s office. When she wouldn’t let me comfort her, I took my anger out on the punching bag in my home gym. Almost knocking it off its chain.

I spend the entire night in the gym hitting that bag. Hitting it over and over and over until my knuckles bleed through the tape wrapped around them.

Arrow came home with us as well. He’s been keeping an eye on me, so I don’t sneak out in the middle of the night and kill Braxton. Zander and Magnus went back to their own homes and lives. I owe them a huge debt. Anything they ever ask of me ever again, I’ll give them. Because they helped bring Clover back to me. Even if we were too late and Braxton was able to … even if he … Aaaaahhhhhh. I can’t even fucking think it without burning with murderous rage.

Arrow took up sentry on a yoga mat near the door of the gym. Every time I thought he’d drifted off to sleep and I’d have a chance to sneak out, he stopped me like a goddamn ninja that can see through his eyelids. Making it impossible for me to run off and be a vigilante.

Morning came and went, and Clover stayed in her room. Beau checked on her a few times. Rosie came by, and she let her in. It was the only way to make sure she was ok since she wouldn’t let me in. Every time one of them entered or left, I was there at her door. Just to see a glimpse of her to make sure she was okay. They assured me she’s fine, just working through everything. Admitting she’s ashamed of what happened to her. Ashamed to face me because of it.

The only person ashamed should be Braxton for what he did to her. Rosie told me it didn’t seem like Clover cared that Braxton had sexually molested her. She is too strong for that. What hurt was everyone knowing what he had done and that she wasn’t able to stop it. She feels like I’ll see her as dirty.

My heart almost stops when Rosie tells me this. Nothing Clover could do would ever make me think of her like that. She needs to know that. I need to tell her. But I can’t because she won’t let me in. Won’t let me near her, not yet anyway. I need to cool off and get some advice. Where do I go for that? Magnus.

When I find him, he’s at home. He had built a large spacious modern home a few years ago on a healthy chunk of land outside of town. It takes me at least thirty minutes to drive there. I don’t mind. It allows me time to think alone without worrying about Clover. Beau and Rosie both promised to stay at the house with her. I was tentative to leave her under their watch again after what happened last time. Beau guaranteed me he wasn’t going anywhere. Wouldn’t even leave to get the mail. Reluctantly I believed him. It could have been the brutal determination in his eyes or the extreme guilt resting on his shoulders, or even the deep sisterly love for Clover pounding in his pulse.

Pulling into Magnus’s driveway, I step out of my truck and make my way up the walk to the front door. It’s unlocked, and I make my way through the minimally furnished rooms and past the state-of-the-art kitchen to find him sitting on a white ball cushion thing on his back porch. Barefoot and shirtless. Wearing only loose grey lounge pants, his legs crossed and hands resting limply on his knees. I knew Magnus liked to meditate, but I’ve never actually seen him doing it, so I’m a little taken aback by the sight.

A cool autumn breeze ruffles his shoulder-length hair, which he has left untied. He doesn’t move as I make my way to his side. The view from his place is incredible. He managed to snag a sweet five-acre plot complete with a small man-made pond that backs up to a nature preserve. A crystal clear above-ground glass edge pool buts up to the deck. Magnus likes his peace, quiet, and privacy. He definitely gets it out here. The summer sun is turning into autumn, and the humidity has gone with it, leaving a perfect evening. Warm and breezy.

Other than the floor, the closest seat to Magnus is another one of the oversized marshmallow-looking things. Shrugging, I remove my shoes and sit like he is. Not as uncomfortable as I expected. Cradles the boys, doesn’t cause me to try and scrunch my legs together to get comfortable. These are obviously meant for us big guys, and I appreciate that.

For a long few minutes, we just sit there in silence. Watching the trees sway in the breeze and the birds’ flitter around a few birdhouses, Magnus hung in them. He’s weirdly conflicting like that. Quiet, logical, hanging birdhouses and getting pissed at anyone that touches them. Yet also a raging mass of muscle and violence, unflinching while dismembering a man. He’s always perplexed me. Maybe that’s why I come to him. He seems to have a handle on himself.

“Is Clover doing well?” He finally says, breaking the quiet.

“As far as I know. She’s still got some things to work through, I guess.”

“Girls got balls standing up to your brother like she did.”

My lips quirk up in a smirk. Yeah, my girls pretty fucking fearless sometimes. Most people look at Griff and submit under his scrutiny. Not Clover, not my girl. She fucking thrives in it and slings that shit right back at him.

“Yeah. She hasn’t exactly spoken to me since then. She feels ashamed, and I don’t know what to do.”

Again, he’s quiet, contemplating. Then he turns to face me, tilting his head to one side ever so slightly.

“Do you know why I meditate?” Not really sure what that has to do with anything, but I’ll go with it. Usually, he has a point at the end.

“No. Not really. Something about calming?”

“Sort of. It quiets the mind, body, and soul. It allows for you to clear your head of nonsense and chatter. Focus on what truly matters. Centering yourself to get a balance in life.”

“Okay.” Still not making any sense to me. Maybe he means I’m too loud?

“Here. Close your eyes.” He instructs me. Raising an eyebrow at him, I give him a skeptical glare. “Just do it. I promise it’ll help.” Huffing an exasperated breath, I do as he says. Closing my eyes and letting my hands rest on my knees like I saw him doing.

“Now, I want you to take deep breathes in through your nose and exhale out your mouth.” Again, I do as he instructs. “Calm your breathing, slow your heart rate. Now, this is the hard part. Clear your mind. Stop thinking about Braxton, the Council, the Syndicate, Griffon everything. Empty your mind of anger and anxiety. It’s those things that are feeding your stress and fear. You have to let it go. Don’t let it control you. You are in control.” He pauses for a moment allowing me to relax and breathe.

I try my best to ignore the itching desire to maim and destroy. Releasing the anger that burns inside and the anxiety that has been eating away at my sanity for days now. Allowing my mind to go blank, empty, quiet. Listening to the chirping birds and his calm deep voice.

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