Page 61 of Trust Again

“If I think too much about the future I get really nervous. So I take things one day at a time. Every morning I have a new chance to start over. And I use it. That’s what I think we should do.”

“So you want to act as if we never…?”

“Are you nuts? Of course not,” he replied firmly. “What I mean is that you shouldn’t worry too much about it, if it bothers you. But you also shouldn’t get too worked up if it happens again.”

Oh. Oh.

I swallowed hard and felt the heat rising in my cheeks.

“Because as far as I’m concerned, it could,” he continued, his voice softer now. And his expression wasn’t tinged with compassion, but with something else. Something deeper, full of promises and memories from the night before. Something that sent a prickling sensation through my stomach. How was that was even possible after my breakdown?

We stayed that way for a while on the sofa, curled together under the blanket, with Spencer’s confidence, my insecurity, and his unspoken proposal hanging in the air.

Chapter 20

It felt strange to go back to my dorm. Everything had changed. Not to mention I was totally exhausted, partly due to the night of sex with Spencer, but even more to my crying jag. Hell, I must have used up my tear quota for the next five years. One look in the mirror of the dorm showers confirmed my suspicion that my face resembled a blotchy tomato.

Under a hot shower, I tried to turn off my thoughts. I needed time to process the previous night. When the hot water started to run out, I turned it off and stepped out, drying myself before slipping into my pajamas. Finally, I remembered to turn on my cell phone and read the five texts from Allie that had come during the night, asking where I’d disappeared to and why I hadn’t said goodbye. She punctuated her last message with a sad smiley face.

I answered that there had been so many people surrounding her that it was nearly impossible to reach her. It was a pretty lame excuse, but now was not the time to be creative. I desperately needed some sleep.

I rolled myself up in my blanket like a burrito, and closed my eyes. No thoughts, no feelings, just quiet—and the heaviness of my tired limbs.

I didn’t wake up until Sawyer came home. She kicked off her boots, which hit her dresser with a bang.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were sleeping,” she said, as I sat up and rubbed my hand over my eyes.

“No problem,” I responded, followed by a yawn. “What time is it, anyway?”

“Just after seven,” Sawyer answered, slipping off her leather jacket.

Cautiously, I took stock of myself. After sleeping all day, I felt calmer and more clearheaded than I’d been when Spencer dropped me off.

Sawyer looked at me again. Tipping her head to the side, she frowned. “You had sex,” she blurted out.

“How the hell can you tell?” I responded, pulling my blanket over my shoulders.

Sawyer just grinned. “I felt the vibrations. And since you’re not denying it, I’ve got all the evidence I need.” She plopped down on her bed. “Was it good?

I sighed. Of all questions for her to ask right now, just when I was trying to avoid thinking about it. Because if I did think about it…

Images of Spencer appeared in my mind’s eye: his body tensed over mine, his hand twisted in my hair…

“Oh, God,” I groaned and buried my face in my hands, falling back into my pillow.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Dawn. The first time after a long drought is usually not great.”

My pulse had quickened and I tried hard not to picture Spencer’s naked, sweat-drenched body.

“It actually wasn’t bad,” I murmured.

Sawyer’s bed creaked as she got up and came over to me. She sat down on my bed, leaned against the wall, and crossed her legs. “I’m all ears.”

“Who says I want to talk about it?” I asked, looking at her.

“That’s the advantage of having a roommate, isn’t it?”

“What? Having someone get involved in my sex life?”

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