Page 33 of Save Me

I wish I could just keep doodling. Or be somewhere else. Playing lacrosse, for instance. Nobody makes any demands of me there. I can just run, tackle, dodge, shoot, be free. On the field, I can forget. Here, I’m constantly reminded of who I am and what lies ahead for me.

I clear my throat. “I’m afraid not.”

Ruby looks like she’d been expecting that. “OK. Can I ask why?”

“No, you can’t.”

“In other words, you don’twantto help us,” she says, exaggeratedly calmly.

“Can’t or don’t want to. Doesn’t change my answer either way.”

Her nostrils flare slightly as she tries not to lose her temper. Not with much success, and it’s quite funny to watch. I try to ignore how pretty she is. I’ve never seen a face like hers. Her upturned nose doesn’t fit the proud curl of her lips, her catlike eyes don’t match the freckles on her nose, and that straight fringedoesn’t go with her heart-shaped face. But in a strange way, the whole effect is perfect. And it gets more appealing every time I see her.

I can’t explain why I lost it like that yesterday. It wasn’t the first time I’ve been accused of being a spoiled, rich dickhead. It wasn’t even the first timeRubyhas accused me of being one. I don’t know why her words got to me so much, but they stirred something inside me, and I didn’t like it. Nobody has mentioned the incident, but I was hoping they’d make a joke of it, tease me about how I reacted, and take the sting out of it. Instead, they didn’t say a word, gave me meaningful looks, and that just added weight and significance to Ruby’s words.

I groan to myself. I wanted to bloody well enjoy my last year of school, didn’t want any worries about anyone or anything, wanted to just have fun. Instead, I’m banned from playing lacrosse, I have to sit in this shitty meeting room, which is as stuffy as all hell, and I have to listen to Ruby call me a…

She snaps her fingers in my face.

“Sorry,” I say, rubbing my face with both hands. “What?”

“We don’t need him, guys,” says Kieran in irritation.

“I could certainly do without all of you, but unfortunately, I have to lump it until the end of term,” I retort, staring coldly at him.

“James!” Ruby snaps.

“What now? I’m just being honest.”

“There are times when honesty is out of place.”

The words “you’re a fine one to talk” are on the tip of my tongue. But I bite them back. It’s kind of hot when she tells me off like that. Which probably has to do with it being two weeks since the last party with the boys, so I have excess energy to work off. I desperately need to think about something else. As unobtrusivelyas possible, I pull my phone from my trouser pocket and message our group.Party at mine this evening.

“Look, let’s just rent costumes,” Lin suggests. “We can photoshop them a bit so that they look less fake.”

Kieran snorts.

“That’s ridiculous when we have JamesBeauforton our team.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll send an inquiry to Beaufort’s myself, if James won’t help,” Ruby says suddenly.

“No, you won’t,” I say absently, not taking my eyes off my phone. Alistair is typing, the new lads on the team are all rubbish, and the coach is tearing his hair out.

“You can’t stop me.”

No way do I want her speaking to my parents. I don’t want anyone getting anywhere near my parents. Given that their donations go a good way toward financing this whole school and that they’re at pretty much every party, that’s kind of impossible. But the mere thought of Ruby and my father in the same room turns my stomach.

“Do you seriously want me to tell Mr. Lexington how little effort you’re putting in when I meet with him next week?”

Slowly, I raise my eyes and narrow them at Ruby. I can’t believe she’s actually trying to blackmail me. If I wasn’t so angry, I’d be impressed.

“Knock yourself out,” I growl.

I spend the rest of the session ignoring her, and nobody else speaks to me. I draw furious patterns in my notebook, circles and spiky objects, which turn into little monsters with sharp teeth, holding lacrosse sticks in their claws. When Ruby declares the meeting over, I stand up so fast it makes Camille jump. I’m almost out of the door when Ruby steps into my path.

“Could you stay a moment?”

“I’m in a hurry,” I say through gritted teeth.

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