Page 59 of Save Me

James

Wren and my sister laugh out loud as Cyril reemerges, splashing us with water, but I stare at Ruby, a dark, hazy blotch beneath the water. At first, she was thrashing like crazy, but now she isn’t moving.

Something’s wrong.

“If she knew we know the playing-dead trick, she wouldn’t bother,” Wren says, holding his hand out to Cyril to help him out of the pool.

Ruby still hasn’t surfaced. Deep inside me, I know that something is very, very wrong. My heart hammers, and I take a run-up.

“James, I don’t think she seriously needs—” I don’t even hear the rest of Lydia’s sentence as I dive headfirst into the pool. I swim with long strokes to Ruby and wrap an arm around her body to pull her up.

She isn’t moving.

“Ruby,” I pant, once we’ve surfaced. I shake her. “Ruby!”

Suddenly, her arms flail out. She coughs and gasps for air, and I hold her tight to my chest to stop her going under again.

She’s totally freaked out. “Get me out of here!” she demands shrilly. “I need to get out of here!”

I nod and swim her over to the edge. Then I lift her by the hips and set her on the side of the pool. She coughs and splutters again for a long time to get rid of all the water she inhaled in that brief period. I push myself up onto the edge and sit beside her, hold her while she chokes.

“Get me out of here.” Ruby’s voice is a broken croak that shatters something deep inside me. I help her up. She keeps her eyes down, but I can see the tears mixed with the water on her face. Once she’s back on her feet, she staggers sideways. I feel her whole body trembling and crouch down slightly to pick her up. She doesn’t even protest, just buries her face in my neck so that nobody can see her cry.

I turn furiously on Cyril, whose smile has vanished.

“You fucking wanker,” I say quietly. I’d rather have screamed it in his face, but I don’t want to scare Ruby any further.

With her in my arms, I turn and walk out into the garden through the back door of the conservatory.

Percy doesn’t get here right away, but when he does, he’s brought towels and dry clothes. Ruby avoids my eyes as I wrap her in several towels and start to rub her dry. She’s still shaking all over. Percy silently hands me another towel, which I spread over her head. Then I squeeze the water from her hair. It might be over-the-top, but I’m not stopping until she stops trembling. Even if it takes all night.

Suddenly, a silent sob shakes her body. I freeze. It’s surprisingly painful to see someone as strong as her crying, and I have no ideawhat to do. I can only keep on drying her, stroking her back in small circles, and then ask Percy to hand me the Maxton Hall sweatshirt he’s brought.

“Can you unbutton your blouse?” I ask cautiously.

Ruby doesn’t give any indication of having heard me. In any case, I doubt if her trembling fingers are up to much, so I simply pull the hoodie over her head. I pull it down over her body and then, without looking, get to work on her buttons. Once the blouse is open, I push it carefully from her shoulders and then help her to get her arms through the sleeves of the sweatshirt. Just as I’m about to pull the hood up for her, she lifts her hands and grabs my forearms. Her fingers are still ice-cold.

The next moment, she lets her head sink into my chest and takes a deep breath. It’s as shaky as the rest of her. It’s horrible seeing her like this.

“This is all my fault,” I whisper.

Ruby lifts her head and looks up at me. Her eyes are still suspiciously shiny, but I get the feeling she’s starting to get herself under control again. She looks like Ruby again. The stubborn, combative Ruby who won’t take anything from anyone. A huge weight falls from my heart and a feeling that’s heavy and light all at once spreads through my chest.

I turn away from her and unbutton my own shirt to pull on the second hoodie that Percy has brought.

“Come on. Let’s get you home,” I say after a while, opening the door of the Rolls for her.

She gets in, and I slip onto the seat beside her. As Percy drives off, I let my head sink back against the cushion. Suddenly, the alcohol makes its presence felt and the world spins a little faster than it should.

Ruby stirs beside me, and I glance at her. She’s pulled the cuffs of my blue sweatshirt down over her fingers, covering her hands entirely. I feel a desperate need to reach for her. Instead, I look hastily away.

“I’m so scared of water,” Ruby whispers into the silence.

I have to keep it together, not look at her. I think she’ll feel safer if I keep on looking out of the window, not at her. “Why is that?”

It takes a moment for her to answer. “My dad likes fishing. He always used to take me out in his boat, and we spent weekends out on the water in various places. When I was eight, we were in an accident.”

Her body tenses beside me, and I can sense that she’s reliving a terrible memory. Her breathing is jagged. Now I do reach for her hand and hold it, beneath my jumper, in my fingers.

---