Page 68 of Save Me

Lin smiles at me and strokes my arm. “OK, let me correct that. It’s obvious to everyone but you.”

James laughs quietly, and I glare at him. I wish I knew what’s made the two of them pal up like this. I can’t remember them ever agreeing about anything before, let alone sending each other amused glances over the top of my head. I’m not sure I approve of this development.

I’m almost relieved when Lin hugs me goodbye and heads off to the car park.

James insists on walking me to the bus. “You’re giving the poor boy hope,” he says out of nowhere.

“What’s your problem, James? Jealous?” It’s the best I can do in the spur of the moment. But he doesn’t answer, and when I glance at him, I see that he’s dug his hands in his trouser pockets and is frowning, staring straight ahead.

“If you need anyone to give you dancing lessons,” he says, after a brief pause, “I’m your man.”

“You can’t be serious,” I exclaim in disbelief. “Are you really jealous ofKieran?”

“No.” He’s still not looking at me. “But I don’t want that guy getting the wrong idea.”

“What idea?” I ask.

“That sucking up to you is all it takes to make you smile. That’s pathetic.”

I stop abruptly. “Excuse me? I can smile perfectly well without anyone sucking up to me!”

He finally turns to me, but I can’t read the expression in his dark eyes. “Really? You never smiled at me like that.”

“You’ve never given me much reason to smile.”

For a moment, he just stares at me. I don’t get why he’s suddenly being like this. He seems worked up, and I can’t follow his argument. I decide to change the subject before the atmosphere gets any worse. “Thanks for looking out for me today.”

He just nods.

“Honestly. Nobody made any stupid remarks. I know it would have been different if you hadn’t walked into school or assembly with me.”

He still doesn’t reply, so I add: “Your sister sat with us in the dining hall today, and…”

Suddenly, James takes my arm and stands in front of me. I hold my breath and look up at him in surprise. His eyes are deadly serious.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“What for?” I ask quietly.

“For never having given you any reason to look at me the way you just looked at Kieran.”

“James…”

“I’m going to change that,” he goes on, looking me deep in the eyes.

I swallow. My stomach suddenly feels wobbly, my knees weak. I’m aware of his hand on my arm, can feel his gentle touch through my blazer. I get goose bumps down my arm. The sudden feeling that I need to touch him too takes me entirely unawares. I don’t want much. It would be enough to put my hands on his hips, to hold him tight. But I can’t. It’s not an option. Any more than this horrible breathlessness when he’s this close, or the butterflies in my tummy when he looks at me like that.

“My bus is coming,” I exclaim, pulling back.

The intensity doesn’t fade from his eyes. I turn and sprint away so that I’m no longer entirely at his mercy. I’ve never been so glad in my life to get on the bus.

20

Ruby

On Saturday morning I wake up at six—with no alarm clock. I’m always like this on my birthday. I find it hard to sleep for the sheer anticipation of what Mum and Dad will have come up with for me. On special occasions, Mum brings home the world’s most delicious cakes from the bakery where she works, while Dad cooks us a special meal and gets either Ember or me to help him decorate the whole of downstairs. By seven, I can hear them getting stuff ready, and I’m looking forward to what it’s all going to be. After all, you only turn eighteen once.

I listen to my heart, trying to see if I feel any different, but I don’t. It was the same for Lin back in August. Or at least, that’s what she said as we lay side by side in the grass after her barbecue, staring up at the stars.

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