Page 103 of Captivated

Nate’s heart pounded a little harder. “What was it like? For you… when you figured it out. You know, when you first realized?”

Zeeb gave him a sideways glance, then leaned on the post, his expression turning serious. “You mean being bi?”

Nate nodded. The air felt heavy all of a sudden, but he didn’t want to back down. He had to understand.

“I guess it was different for me than it was for you.” Zeeb’s voice was lower, with that thoughtful tone Nate had heard a few times. “I know my dad thought I’d grown up wrong, but I didn’t have no one tryin’ to fix me.” He snorted. “He just didn’t want me around.” Another swipe of his hand across his brow. “And like I told you, it took me years to figure out what I felt, what felt real. And when I did? It wasn’t some big revelation. It was just… me. Y’know?”

Nate shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know what that’s like. I never got to just… be.”

Zeeb’s face softened. He set the hammer down on the ground and moved closer, his voice low but steady. “I can’t pretend I understand all the shit you’ve been through, Nate. But… you don’t have to carry that burden alone anymore. Not on this ranch. And definitely not with me.”

Nate swallowed hard, his eyes stinging. He couldn’t tell if the tightness in his throat was from relief or pain.

Maybe both.

“You know,” Zeeb continued, “I know why I didn’t tell the guys until now. Not ’cause I was ashamed, but because it was just part of me. But I get why it’s different for you. And for a lot of folks. It’s not always as simple as just sayin’ it out loud.”

Nate looked down at his own hands, which shook a little. The wire in his grip felt cold, foreign, as if he didn’t even know how to hold something without the weight of everything he’d been taught pulling on him.

Everything he’d been told to believe.

“I spent so many years…” Nate’s voice cracked, but he couldn’t stop it. “So many years trying to make myself disappear. Trying to convince myself I was wrong. That I wasn’t allowed to want what I wanted. Not because of what I felt, but because of what I’d been told. All those years… It’s like I’ve never been allowed to exist without the guilt and the shame.”

Zeeb’s gaze was warm, compassionate. He took another step closer, his voice lower still. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Nate. No one should have to fight their own heart. And if there’s any part of me that can help you find some peace in that? I’m here for you.”

Nate swallowed again. The words he’d uttered were like rocks in his throat. He hadn’t meant to say that much, but it had come spilling out, the truth he hadn’t let himself touch in years.

The part of him still raw from the years of fighting it all.

“I guess I just don’t know what it means to be me. Not without the shame.”

Zeeb studied him for a long moment, then placed his hand on Nate’s shoulder and squeezed. “You’re already here, Nate. You don’t gotta figure it all out in one day.”

Nate blinked, the sudden warmth of the touch catching him off guard. He gazed at Zeeb, and his heart ached when he saw Zeeb’s eyes. They didn’t hold pity or judgment, but understanding.

In that moment, it seemed as though the weight of everything that had been pressing down on him changed its mass. It wasn’t gone. It wasn’t fixed either.

It was lighter.

Nate took a deep breath. “I think maybe I could get used to having people like you around.”

Zeeb smiled. “Good. ’Cause I’m stickin’ around whether you like it or not.”

Nate chuckled. “I think I can live with that.”

“Well, for as long as you’re here.” He cocked his head. “You know, once you go back home, that don’t mean we can’t still talk. I’m not going to walk away from you. We’re friends, and I want to be there for you as long as you need—or want—me.”

Something inside Nate unraveled the tiniest bit, leaving him feeling a little less constricted.

Then they went back to working side by side, Nate wrapped in his own thoughts, and Zeeb apparently in his. Nate couldn’t shake the feeling that, for the first time in his life, he might actually be able to start the process of healing. To stop pretending.

What Zeeb had been trying to tell him since he’d arrived at Salvation had finally found its mark.

I don’t have to carry it all alone.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Nate smiled.“I don’t ever remember being so hungry. Must have been all the exercise.”

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