Page 106 of Captivated

“It started as teasing. Then I guess you’d call it camaraderie.” His face tightened. “And then it became something else.” Another sip.

“We don’t have to talk about it. Not if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Zeeb sighed again. “Actually, I think it’s best if I keep workin’ on this burr. Needs to come out. It’s been stuck there too long.” He took a breath. “There were… moments. Nothing huge. A hand brushing too long, a lingering look over the fire, that kinda thing. Drunken confessions that meant more than either of us would admit in daylight. And we never kissed, never crossed the line physically, but oh myLord, the tension. And it was mutual.”

“What happened?” Nate asked, his voice soft.

“One night, Eli pushed it too far. He grabbed me behind the barn. He was grinning, whisperin’ things that weren’t jokes anymore.” Zeeb shivered. “An’ I froze.” He met Nate’s gaze, his eyes wide. “Don’t get me wrong, I wanted it.God, I wanted it, butfear hit me like a whip.” He swallowed. “I shoved Eli away, hard. Called him something ugly. Something I’d heard thrown at me back in Idaho. Eli’s face cracked, an’ there was hurt in his eyes, but mostly what I saw there was betrayal. He walked away and never looked at me again.”

Nate covered Zeeb’s large hand with his own.

“The next morning, I found my things packed. Eli’s daddy fired me on the spot, saying they didn’t need ‘drama,’” he air-quoted. “I knew Eli hadn’t said anything. That was the worst part. Eli hadn’t thrown me under the bus. I’d done all the damage myself.” He stared into his cup. “I carried that guilt foryears. Not for turning down Eli, no sir, but for the way I’d done it. For being so scared of being seen. I hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t just a missed opportunity. It was a betrayal of something honest between us.”

“What did you do?”

He snorted. “I buried it, that’s what. I kept on the move, working ranch after ranch. I dated women, trying to make that part of myself disappear.”

Nate gave a half smile. “Yeah, and I can see that worked out really well for you.”

Zeeb chuckled. “You’re right. It never disappeared, just found a hiding place an’ stayed there. It wasn’t until years later, at another job, that I worked under an older ranch manager named Clint. He was a good man, quiet and kind, an’ he took an interest in me not for what I hid, but for how hard I worked.” Zeeb smiled. “One day Clint caught me staring a little too long at a cowboy who came through with feedstock. I expected the worst. Instead, Clint simply said, ‘Ain’t no shame in wantin’ what you want. Just don’t lie to yourself forever.’” Another hard swallow. “It wasn’t forgiveness from Eli, but itwassomething. I guess it opened me up a crack, enough to stop hating that part of myself.” He gave Nate a sad smile. “So to answer your question,the person I hurt was Eli. The person who forgave me—not for what I did, but for who I was—was Clint.”

Nate squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

He smiled. “Trusting me. Letting me in.” He removed his hand, although he’d have been happy to leave it there a while longer.

Lightning tossed his head, and Nate laughed. “Did you bring apples for the horses?”

Zeeb snorted. “For all these? Are you kidding? We ain’t got a hoard of ’em stashed in the kitchen.” He flushed, and cleared his throat. “But I might’ve brought a couple. For my favorites.”

Nate couldn’t help smiling. “You have favorites? Which ones?”

Zeeb pointed to Lightning. “This ole boy. Lucy. Bailey.” He gazed affectionately at the chestnut horse.

“I like Bailey too,” Nate admitted. “He’s so calm.”

“He’s had years tolearncalm. It didn’t come natural. Some horses are like that, jumpy at first, then solid once they find someone they trust.”

Nate gazed at him. “You think I’m like that too.”

Zeeb held his gaze. “I know you are.” He didn’t look away, and neither did Nate, until his heartbeat got loud enough to make him wonder if Zeeb could hear it too. The space between them suddenly felt too small.

Zeeb broke the silence first. He reached into the bag he’d brought from the kitchen, then held out an apple. “Here. Go give Bailey a treat, and then we’ll get back to our mucking out.” He flashed Nate a quick smile. “We’ll have a nice surprise for Paul when he gets back.”

Nate took the apple and stood, his pulse still rapid as he walked over to Bailey’s stall.

Zeeb had said he’d feared being seen.

Nate knew exactly how he felt.

Chapter Thirty

Nate leaned on the rail,his gaze focused on the pony in the paddock, standing as far away from Paul as it was possible to get. Paul made no attempt to approach it, but spent his time cleaning and oiling a saddle.

The sight of the pony made Nate’s chest ache. It was thin enough he could see its spine protruding. Any movement was lethargic. Its coat was dull, its eyes glassy.

Poor thing.

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