Page 187 of Captivated

“Well, if you’re gonna ask something, ask it,” Butch demanded with a touch of irritation.

“What was it like for you?” Zeeb blurted. “Your first time. With a guy.”

Butch didn’t speak for a long moment. Then he turned toward Zeeb, his elbow on the fence. “You askin’ logistics? Or the head stuff?”

“Head stuff,” Zeeb said. “I mean—yeah, the logistics we’ll figure out. But… I’ve only ever been with women. I know how that feels. The sex was always good, but this—this is different.”

Butch frowned. “Different how?”

Zeeb shrugged. “Different like… it matters. Like I can’t pretend I don’t care how it goes. I want it to be right. For him. For me.”

Butch let that hang in the air, his gaze thoughtful. Then he gave a slow nod.

“Yeah,” he said. “I remember that.” Butch scratched at his jaw. “With Teague—and with Race before him—it was easy enough to pretend it was just scratching an itch. A little friction, nothing more.”

Zeeb quirked an eyebrow. “How romantic.”

Butch pushed out a self-deprecating chuckle. “Yeah, well, as Sol would probably say, I wasn’t exactly a poster boy for emotional availability back then.”

Zeeb snickered. “You’re good. That sounds just like him.”

“But whenhecame along…” Butch stopped, his gaze drifting to the horizon. “That was the first time I wanted it to mean something. And that sure as hell scared the shit outta me.”

Zeeb expelled a breath. “Yeah.”

Butch tilted his head, his expression somehow gentler. “You’re thinking about Nate. Wanting it to be good for him.”

Zeeb didn’t answer right away, then gave a tight nod. “You know all the shit he’s been through now. Shit I can’t fix. But I want to show him this ain’t dirty. That it ain’t wrong.”

Butch’s eyes widened. “Damn, Zeeb. That’s a helluva thing to carry.”

“I don’t mind carrying it.”

“No, I don’t suppose you do.” Butch leaned against the rail. “But let me tell you something, man to man. You can’t be his redemption. You can be his partner. His safe place. And that counts. That counts for a lot.”

Zeeb chewed on that for a moment.

“I’m just scared I’ll screw it up.”

Butch gave him a long searching glance. “You won’t. Because you’re thinking about it. Because it matters to you. That’s more than most ever do.”

Zeeb had to ask. “Butch, when it happened the first time… was it weird? Like, the mechanics?”

Butch laughed. “Hell yeah. But I was luckier than you, I guess. I was with someone who was experienced.” He smiled. “Look at it this way. You two get to learn at the same time. I will say one thing. What you feel for each other? That’ll add something to it. Me and Race? That was pure fuckin’, just sex. You know, scratching an itch, like I said. But me and Sol? Thatfelt more right than anything else I’d ever done. Because I let myself feel it. I wasn’t fighting anymore. And I cared about the guy I was with.” He peered at Zeeb. “I thought you said you’d work out the logistics later?” He rolled his eyes. “It isn’t rocket science, dude. Tab A into slot B. Just remember, lube is your best friend, preparation is key, and don’t be in a rush to get to the finale.”

They stood together in the quiet, and in the distance Zeeb caught the sound of the wind whispering through the long grass like a breath.

“The best sex I’ve ever had, though?” Butch sighed. “I’d watched gay porn. Alotof it. And I thought I knew how it would go. You know, slam bam, that kinda thing. I mean, that’s how it always was with me and Teague. But Sol…” He shook his head. “He took his time. He was slow. Gentle.” Butch nudged him with a shoulder. “And that’s howyou’llbe with Nate. You know why? Because that’s the kind of man you are. You’re patient. Kind. Gentle. Hell, if it helps, you’re already a better man than I was when I figured it out.”

Zeeb gave him a half-grin. “That’s not a high bar.”

He chuckled. “True. But hey, we’re all learning. Even cowboys like us. What I’m saying is… You got this, Zeeb. Just be you, and it’ll be awesome.”

Zeeb looked toward the stable where he knew Nate would be waiting.

“Thanks,” he said, his voice quiet. “Really.”

Butch shrugged. “What are friends for? Now get going before I start gettin’ all mushy and Sol has to stage an intervention.”

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