Page 41 of Behind Frenemy Lines

CG: “She can speak Cantonese. Anyway, she’s not really my date. She’s here as a friend.”

Loretta: “Are you serious? She’s a polyglot on top of everything else? Charles, she’s the perfect woman. Youhaveto lock it down.”

CG: “Most Malaysians are multilingual, it’s not unusual. Shouldn’t you be saying Hayley’s the perfect woman?”

Loretta: “Hayley’s charm point is that on the outside, she’s gorgeous, accomplished, and normal. But in her heart, she’s a weird little freak, like me. You know that.”

Having borne witness to their many FaceTime calls over the years, I did know that. “Right.”

Loretta: “We’re perfect for each other, and I want you to have the same thing. You’ve got Kriya here for the day, you’vegot the guns out.” Tapped my arm. “We’ve got an open bar, there’s going to be a band, dancing.Andyou’ve got the flat to yourself tonight. This is your chance to seal the deal.”

Looked over at Kriya. She appeared engrossed in conversation with my aunt.

CG: “Are you telling me all of this—insisting I bring a date—was simply a scheme to set me up with Kriya?”

Loretta: “No!”

CG: “Good.”

Loretta: “It’s both. I did want you to bring proof of your heterosexuality, so I wouldn’t get in trouble with the aunties. But I also knew you’d never shoot your shot with Kriya unless you were forced. I mean, there’s a reason I’m marrying the love of my life, and you’re terminally single.”

There were so many scathing things I wanted to say, I wasn’t sure which to start with. Clearly Loretta didnothave better things to think about than my (admittedly pathetic) love life, even though she was, as she said, in the process of marrying a stunning girl she’d wooed online with nothing more than her native wit,Lord of the Ringsmemes, and obscene images of cartoon badminton players.

CG: “Look, you—”

Loretta: “There’s no need to say thank you. You go get the girl.”

Gave me a push towards Kriya and turned away.

There are times I feel Loretta does not have a proper respect for me as an elder.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Kriya

After the photos,Loretta drew Charles away, and Hayley joined her family, leaving me vulnerable. Loretta’s mum pounced, like a lioness that had spotted a sickly wildebeest trailing behind the herd.

“So you’re Charles’s friend,” she said. In Cantonese.

Had Charles told her I spoke Cantonese? If so, he’d done me dirty. I understood it, mostly, which is a very different thing from speaking.

The problem was, I’d never really had to practise speaking it. In Malaysia it took a Herculean effort to convince the Chinese aunties and uncles I understood Cantonese. The mental dissonance caused by me being Indian—not even Chindian—was too much for them.

Even if they did by some miracle address me in Cantonese, there was no call for me to reply in the same language. I generally answered in Malay, a language I was actually fluent in, and which, crucially, has no tones.

Unfortunately, that was not an option here. Loretta’s mum gazed at me, her eyes coolly assessing. She was wearing a cheongsam in a royal blue brocade and had silvering hair in a razor-sharp bob. She was about half my size, but three timesas elegant, and I didn’t think I was merely imagining the air of menace around her.

“Er, yes, auntie,” I said.

The word “friend” in this context carried a lot of weight, as I well knew. Tom had been my “friend” to my extended family for the entire thirteen years we’d been together, and he would have stayed my “friend” unless and until we got married.

“I work with Charles,” I said. “At the same company.” I couldn’t remember the word for “colleague.”

“So you’re a lawyer?” said Loretta’s mum. “That’s very good. Your father and mother are from India?”

“Malaysia, auntie. But we are Indian, yes.”

“What do they do?”

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