Liam was right. We had only one year left.
But where it brought him such a sense of peace, I felt like I was waging a war inside. “It’s still so terrifying to me,” I confessed.
“That we only have one year to go?” he questioned me.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Rolling my head along the lounger and in his direction, I pushed my sunglasses back into my hair. I thought it was important for Liam to see my whole face as I shared my fears with him. “I’m still so uncertain.”
Concern washed over him, and it didn’t surprise me that he sat up and swung his legs over the side of his seatto face me. With his hands clasped in front of him as his elbows rested on his thighs, he leaned forward and asked, “What do you mean?”
I sighed. “I don’t know what I want to do with myself, Liam. I feel so lost, like I’ve got no direction. There’s not even a hint of anything that’s remotely interesting.”
Tension eased out of his frame. “You shouldn’t be upset about that.”
He’d been so concerned, and the moment he learned why I was feeling stressed, that concern seemed to have vanished.
Why? Didn’t he want to see me succeed?
“You don’t think I have any reason to feel upset?”
Liam stood slightly and scooted his lounger closer, so that he had to slide his feet underneath mine to close that distance between us. He placed his hand on my bare thigh and squeezed, his touch offering some comfort. “I understand you’re frustrated. I just hate seeing you upset about anything. You’ll figure it out, Layla. You still have time.”
“And I feel like you said that same thing to me a year ago, and I’m no closer now than I was then to figuring it out.”
“You will. A lot of people don’t know what they want to do at this point in their lives. And if you don’t figure it out immediately, it’s okay. You’ll still be fine.We’llbe fine.”
His hand moved along my thigh, but there was nothing sexual about it. Liam seemed to always want to offer me reassurance whenever I was feelingupset or frustrated. He excelled at it. Maybe that was what made this so difficult for me.
Liam loved me. There was no question about that.
But my dad had loved my mom, too.
“I want to work.” His brows pulled together. “I’m not just talking about having a job at the consignment shop. I want a real career. I want to be able to treat you to dinner from time to time. I want to know that I can one day splurge on a tremendous birthday or Christmas gift for you, or take us both on some spectacular vacation.”
He squeezed my leg. “I don’t need any crazy gifts, Layla. I’m happy just having you. And we’ll take vacations together. I promise I’ll make that happen.”
I didn’t doubt him for one second.
The problem was that he didn’t seem to understand the issue I had with it.
It appeared that my lack of direction in my life wasn’t anywhere close to being as big a problem for him as it was for me. He’d be content to take care of me, of us.
Maybe that should have left me feeling thrilled. I could admit I was tremendously lucky to have Liam love me like he did.
But I wanted more. I needed more. For myself. To prove that I was capable and worthy and deserving of not only his love but also success.
“I’m still not sure Landing is the land of opportunity,” I mumbled. “If only we lived somewhere with more options.”
He chuckled, swung his legs up onto the lounger again, and reached for my hand. “You said that before,and it’s just like I said then. Everything we could ever need is here, Layla. I promise it’s going to be fine.”
What could I do or say in response to that?
Liam was so sure, so convinced, that everything was going to work out the way it should. I just couldn’t see how that was possible when I felt so discouraged about my future.
I guess I couldn’t blame him. It’s not like he had to look at his mom every day and know that she’d lost the man who promised to love her forever.