Page 84 of Rejected Heart

“It’s my dad.”

“You were just talking about your mom.”

“Yes, but my mom is a mess because my dad left,” I clarified. “They fell in love and had a whirlwind romance. They were inseparable. Completely, totally in love. She told me that all the time. And it was like that until about five years after I came along. Then he left. And she fell apart.”

Icould see Liam’s mind working behind his eyes, but whatever thoughts were running through him, he didn’t share. Instead, he must have suspected that I wasn’t finished, because he waited patiently for me to continue.

“He left her. And he was all she had for the longest time. She had no job, no income, no family or friends, and a five-year-old to care for. We struggled, Liam. For a very long time, my mom and I struggled. And she does okay now; she’s got the store and her best friend, but she’s not doing well enough to have all this time off from working at her store. That’s why I was working there until she came home from the hospital. And as soon as I can leave her alone for longer stretches of time, I’ll go back to working there.”

I paused again and was well aware that there were even more questions swirling in Liam’s mind. But he remained silent to allow me to finish.

“I saw Jules yesterday,” I began again. “Your sister is doing so well. She’s focused and happy and thriving. And she’s successful. I didn’t get a chance to see Ivy, but I saw that hotel when I walked in. I remembered what it was like years ago, and I know that the way it looks now is all thanks to Ivy. Her personal touch is stamped on every surface of that hotel. I wanted that for myself. Before I could agree to marry you, I wanted to be someone you could be proud to call yours. I wanted to be successful like I knew you would be. So, I went in search of a career, because I wanted to be someone worthy of you. I was afraid that if I didn’t do that, if I didn’t find professional success and things went south between us, Iwouldn’t be okay. I wanted to be sure that no matter what happened with you and me, I wouldn’t wind up struggling the way my mom did. I didn’t want to become her. And she told me all the time that you and I reminded her so much of her and my dad. I was scared that we’d become just like them.”

Somewhere in the middle of sharing it all, tears had spilled down my cheeks. Through them, I saw Liam’s fist clenching as it rested on his leg. And finally, for the first time since I’d told him the truth about it all, he spoke. “Why didn’t you tell me this back then?”

My chest ached to hear the change in his tone. He didn’t sound concerned. He sounded wounded.

“I don’t know. I was embarrassed, I guess. And I was young and foolish.”

He reached his hand out to mine. The comforting gesture brought more tears to my eyes. “Okay. I get that, but this is me, Layla. I loved you. I would never have done anything to make you feel bad about whatever was on your mind and in your heart.”

“I know. It was a mistake. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I walked away from you, Liam. But I also feel like I made some attempts to get you to see that I was afraid, and you didn’t take it seriously.”

Confusion marred his features. “What are you talking about? When?”

“I told you how I was struggling with where my future would take me, that I didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself, and you always told me that it would be fine. I know that’s how you saw it, but it terrifiedme. And once you proposed, especially so soon out of high school, when I had nothing figured out, I panicked. My dad proposed to my mom so young, and things didn’t work out for them.”

The confusion was gone, and in a matter of seconds, it was replaced by guilt and regret. Liam had taken almost no time to recall the conversations I’d had with him back then and realized where he’d overlooked my concerns. It was as though all the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place for him. “I’m sorry. I feel like such an idiot for not making you feel reassured.”

“You did, though. You did everything to reassure me. It was the understanding of my fears that you failed to notice.”

He dropped his gaze to his lap and shook his head. “I could have prevented all of this. If I hadn’t been so arrogant, we might not have lost all these years. I wish you would have said something that day I proposed. I wish you would have told me you just needed more time. Layla, I would have done anything to hold on to you.”

Nodding, I insisted, “I know you would have. I know that now. But back then, I just didn’t think you’d understand. I regret doing it the way I did.”

His hand squeezed mine. “When did you know?”

“Know what?”

“When did you know that it was a mistake?”

With my free hand, I swiped at the tears and sniffled. “I knew when you were down on one knee that I was about to make a decision that would destroy the both of us. But I sawthe confidence you had about us, and it terrified me. We were so young. We’d just graduated from high school. And you were so sure of us. But I had all these doubts and worries. Despite them, I knew before I even walked away that doing so would be the biggest mistake I’d ever make. I just never expected it would do the damage to you that it had done.”

His thumb moved back and forth across my knuckles. “Did you ever think about coming back to me? I know you wrote those letters and said as much, but after that last one, there have been so many years that have gone by. Did you ever think about coming back after you sent that last letter?”

The anguish in his tone was killing me. “I thought about it all the time.”

“So, why didn’t you?”

“Because I never found what I was looking for, Liam. I kept searching, kept hoping things would change and get better, so I could come back and hope that you’d see how successful I could be, too. But it never happened. I didn’t get the fancy career. I’m doing just as well as my mom. Only I’m doing it in a more expensive city. Which means I haven’t gotten anywhere close to the life I’d hoped for. And I’ll be completely honest. If my mom hadn’t wound up in her accident, I never would have come back.”

Something I couldn’t read washed over him. Defeat, maybe?

“Thank you for telling me the truth.”

“I’m sorry, Liam. I’m so sorry for what I did to us.”

There was not a single spark of anything left in his eyes. Not hope, not anger. Just… resignation.

---