Page 44 of Odin

I didn't tell Odin I was ready to try, nor did I mention children at all, but the baby fever was almost unbearable.

I heard the glass slider open behind me. I didn't know all the details, but Mr. De Angelis owned a private island in the Caribbean, and when he had heard I didn't have birthday plans, he had offered the place to Odin for a few weeks. It had been paradise, but now we'd be leaving in a few days to return to reality.

I heard Odin place two glasses on the table next to me. We often sat out here in the evenings after dinner, watching the sunset. Odin sat on the front of the lounger and slid my legs apart. He turned so that his back was to my front and pushed towards me until he rested his head on my chest. My knee was bent, and he locked one of his arms around it to hold me in place. My hands gravitated towards his chest as I continued to watch the waves and debated if I should tell him my fears.

I waited until the sun was almost on the horizon before I whispered into his ear, "I am ready for Dino."

His body tightened in my arms, and I could feel the tension radiating through my fingertips.

"If you're ready, why has it taken you this long to say something?"

I didn't have a suitable answer to that, or at least one that made logical sense. I should have just told him my fears from the beginning, but I'd let them take over and blind me to the harsh reality. Every time I saw red at the end of a cycle, I crieduntil the pain dulled and prayed that the next month would be better, only for the cycle to start again. I hadn't said a word to anyone. Month after month, the intense dread that there was something internally wrong with me heightened. Now, I didn't have a choice. I was going to have to tell him.

I took a deep breath and set my forehead on his shoulder. "I am afraid, Odin."

"What do you have to be afraid of?" he asked me. His free hand found my fingers on his chest and looped them together.

"Please, don't make me spell it out," I groaned into his shoulder, squeezing his fingers.

"'There's no reason to be afraid," he reiterated. "How long has this been going on?" He brought our hands to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

I sighed again and lifted my head to kiss his cheek. "I love you."

He lightly chuckled. "I love you too, but you're avoiding the question."

"I have been to six baby showers this year alone, and I don't begrudge them their happiness, but by the third, I wondered, why not us? I didn't tell you because I thought it would be romantic to let things progress naturally," I said, as I put my forehead back on his shoulder. "Every month that it didn't happen, I would just tell myself that it was alright. We'd try again next month, even though you didn't know. Over and over, and then the doubt settled in. I am not on anything. You don't use condoms. There's no reason, and we haven't even had a scare. It's me. I have damage."

"Aw, fuck, I wish you would have told me sooner," he grumbled. He tried to sit up, but I held him to me. "No, baby. We're not having this conversation where I can't see you." He made a move to sit up again, and I dug my nails into his chest to hold him tighter.

"I can't for this one. I don't want you to look at me any differently."

He laid back on my chest. "When have I ever looked at you with anything less than desire?"

I didn't want to finish this conversation. I just wanted to scream into the void, accepting the consequences of someone else's actions.

"Fuck. This is my fault." He gently broke the hold I had on him. Turning on the lounger, he faced me with his knee resting on the chair. "If this is how you're feeling, then I have failed as your husband." He dropped his eyes and stared at his knee. "I get a little unhinged over you."

"A little?" I tried to smile, but it felt like a grimace on my face.

"In my defense, it seemed like a good idea." He shrugged. "I figured you would let me know when you were ready, so I have been taking precautions."

"What precautions?"

Odin sighed and took one hand to rub the back of his neck. "I tracked your cycle, and when you're supposed to be ovulating, we do other fun things."

"What are you talking about?" I was confused, but as I stared at Odin, any anger that was building slowly dissipated. He was trying to maintain his pouting face, but a smirk was slowly forming.

"I don't always have to penetrate you with my dick to get you off." A full-blown smirk appeared.

I sat up and dropped my feet to either side of the lounger. Shifting closer to him, I placed my hands on his chest. "In what world did that ever seem like a good idea to you?"

He unbent his knee and let his leg hang over the lounger, mirroring me. He picked me up by my hips and sat me in his lap. There was no mistaking the hard appendage that was rubbingagainst the center of my swimsuit. He reached for my hands and wrapped them around his neck.

"Most things I do are with you in mind. This just seemed like a logical way to protect you until it was time."

I leaned forward and brushed his lips with my own. "There won't be any surprise Dinos on this trip, will there?"

"No, but I am getting old and need to practice."

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