JR had made a noise as if he agreed. The kid had impeccable timing, kind of like his uncle.
I headed straight to the rocking chair and gently sat down with JR nestled in the crook of my arm. He lay on his back, his tiny feet kicking in the air, and I used my other hand to rub his soft tummy. Sabre had already given him his last bottle for the night, so all I had to do was rock him until he drifted off to sleep. The room was quiet, save for the creak of the rocking chair, and I savored the peace.
I shifted slightly, pulling my phone from my back pocket and dimming the screen. Grace had placed a bookshelf in JR’s room, but I wasn’t interested in reading those stories. JR didn’t need to hear about one fish, two fish. Instead, I pulled up the latest copy ofBikers Anonymous. I glanced at JR one last time and chuckled at his upturned face. His eyes were open, and his lips were parted, still searching for another bottle.
“Sorry, Little Man. You already had your bottle for the night.” His little mouth kept making fish motions. “Yeah, I know. Uncle used to like to drink from the source too, but you’re going to have to wait until you’re older.” His brow furrowed as if was scowling at me. “Don’t worry. When you’re eighteen, we’ll take you to the tit show. Your mother would kill me if I took you now.”
I rocked in the chair for a few more minutes before I went back to my phone. “Here we go,” I said to him, reading from the biker magazine about timing chains. I was about halfway through the article when I heard the door to Sabre’s room open. I had had a feeling he would show.
Wreck stuck his head into the room, and when he heard me, he sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. I could feel his eyes watching me as I continued to read from my phone.
The article ended, and I caught Wreck’s eye when he pointed at JR. The baby was asleep, his little fist in his mouth. I put my phone on the arm of the rocker. Making sure I didn’t stop the motion of the chair, I stared at Wreck, and he stared right back at me.
“Do you want kids of your own?” he asked me.
I knew what he meant, but I played coy. “In what context?”
He nodded his head at JR. “To give him a cousin.”
“That would require a woman,” I said flippantly.
“So?” he asked. He slightly raised his eyebrows but narrowed his eyes at me. I didn’t understand why he was confused. It wasn’t like either of us could carry a baby.
“I am not interested in a woman. Not interested in sharing you with one, either.” This was the closest I had ever come to laying it all out on the table for him.
Wreck said nothing as he leaned the back of his head against the wall, his eyes never leaving me as I rocked JR.
“Don’t make me spell this out for you.” I shook my head, not stopping the chair. I wanted to make sure JR was sound asleep before I placed him in his crib for the night.
“I guess you’re going to have to.”
“Why are you listening now, when you usually blow me off?”
“It’s more like suck you off,” he said. Waving his hands over his spot on the floor, he continued, “I’m sitting right here.”
“Are you actually paying attention?” Usually, I’d take the easy way out and crack some stupid joke, but I wasn’t sure I would ever get this chance again, and I was angry at him for not taking it seriously.
“What’s up with you?”
“I am tired, Wreck, and this conversation will go nowhere. You won’t or can’t claim me openly, even though everyone knows already. We’re the worst-kept secret in this place.” JR shifted against me, his hand coming up to rest on my heart. Even my nephew knew his uncle was falling apart over this man. I tucked the baby further into my arm and continued to rock.
“You wouldn’t understand even if I tried to explain,” he sputtered.
“I am sitting right here,” I pleaded, using his words. When there was silence again, I said, “I know my place in your world, and it’s not number one.”
Wreck opened his mouth to say something, but he didn’t make a sound. Nothing had changed. He refused to explain, and I had given up on trying to persuade him to let me in.
“Just stop. I want to be loved openly. Loudly.” I swiped at the corner of my eye. “If you can’t do that, leave me alone.”
I stood up with JR and kissed his forehead before placing him in his crib, covering him with his blanket. “Uncle loves you,” I whispered. As I pulled away from the crib, the door to Sabre’s room opened.
Grace walked in first. “You’re still walking straight after wearing that?” I said to her, softly whistling. She had on a skin-tight black leather halter dress with lace up heels. “Can you even breathe in that thing?” I played around, trying to lighten the mood. I didn’t need them asking questions, when I had no clue what the answers were.
“Barely, which is why you two are leaving,” she laughed. Walking towards me, she kissed my cheek. “Thank you for watching over them.” She nodded her head towards Sabre as he stood in the doorway. She then scanned JR from head to toe, confirming he was alright.
“It was nothing.” I kissed the top of her head and headed to the door, making a hand motion to get Sabre to move. Wreck stood and followed me. Saying goodnight to them, we walked out their bedroom door. Wreck’s room was opposite mine, but when I approached my door, I didn’t invite him in. Leaning against the inside of my door, I slid to the floor and let my head fall back.
***