Page 80 of That Same Old Love

Sidhu had often teased her saying that he wanted to marry her, mostly because she had an aunt who knew how to make the best South Indian food.

Mahi, smiled. “I do remember you eating my food. Maybe that was the reason why I stayed slim during our college days. You always ate my lunch and I had to end up buying crappy cafeteria food.”

What Sidhu didn’t know was that she had specifically requested her aunt to pack Sidhu’s favorite dishes in her lunch box.

Sidhu laughed. “I even ate your food when we went to restaurants with our friends. You had to literally beat me away to get something to eat. But then you were such a slow eater while I inhaled my food.”

She laughed remembering those times. Sidhu used to say “Sorry my sweetie,”and order another dish for her andpromptly finish that too before she had eaten enough. She indulged him often, but when she was too hungry, she simply ordered non-vegetarian dishes that he didn’t eat.

“I have some more vadas. Just made a few batches since I got a sudden craving.”

“Sure. I would love some, if you don’t mind. I’m sorry, it’s one of my favorite and only Anu knows how to make the best South Indian chutneys in my house. Since she has been gone, I have been craving for some homemade tiffins.”

Mahi nodded smiling at his shameless self-invite. She got him another plate full of vadas which he proceeded to eat quickly.

“So what’s happening between you and Ananya? I don’t want to pry, but since you are here; I wanted to ask you if I can help in anyway. Not that I’m in anyway qualified to give marriage advice.”

Sidhu finished eating and sighed loudly.

“She thinks I’m still in love with you and wants you and me to rekindle our romance,” he told her with a pained expression.

Mahi frowned. “Is she crazy? Why would she think that? Since I’ve gotten back, we barely met once.”

“I know! But somehow she has gotten it into her head that I am not over you.”

She was surprised. “Why haven’t you clarified it to her then? Do you not tell her that you love her?”

Sidhu looked frustrated. “I have been telling her that I love her each and every day. She’s mad to think that I don’t love her,”

Mahi looked thoughtful. “Maybe it’s not enough. Sometimes you need to be more convincing. Talk is cheap.”

She remembered how telling someone you loved them wasn’t enough. Dinesh had yelled, abused, and then hit her sometimes only to apologize later saying that he loved her. It didn’t mean anything. In fact she hated hearing that word from his mouth.

Sidhu looked annoyed. “What? That doesn’t even make any sense. And what wouldyouknow about love anyway?” he said and scoffed loudly.

At that remark, both of them froze and felt the atmosphere in the room shift. Rather than remember their happy memories together, they recalled the time when she abandoned him callously and then his anguish later.

Mahi looked stricken. “Sidhu… I know this is coming out way too late, but I’m sorry for what I did to you. There is just no excuse for what I did. But… I didn’t break up with you properly because I just didn’t think I would be able to give you up that easily. I knew that if I saw you or even heard your voice, I would break down and refuse to do what my parents wanted me to do. It was one of the hardest and the most cowardly thing I have ever done to a person, and I’m ashamed that I did that to someone I had loved with all my heart,” she said, looking at him imploringly.

Sidhu knew he didn’t love Mahi anymore, but he was never able to get over her betrayal. He wanted some kind of closure that would allow him to be free of the painful memories.

“After you left me, did you ever think of me Mahi? Did you ever feel the same pain as I did?”

Mahi looked at Sidhu, and flinched at the pain she saw as he recalled those memories. “Yes Sidhu. I did think of you. I thought about you for a very, very long time… you have no idea how much and for how long… ”

He scoffed. “Yes. You must have thought about me as a fool you spent your college days to pass your time with.”

Mahi shook her head. “No Sidhu. I did think of you in spite of wanting to forget you very badly. You haunted me for a very very long time… “

She looked him in the eye. “Each time my husband abused me… I missed you very badly… I kept thinking that my Sidhuwould have treated me with respect and love. And each time I miscarried and was left alone to mourn by myself… I missed you even more… I kept thinking that… my Sidhu would have hugged me, consoled me, and then mourned the loss of our baby together with me… I even chose another man to have a relationship with, only because he reminded me so much of you, and I wanted to so badly redo and wipe away my mistake of giving you up.”

She smiled sadly. “But I stopped missing you or thinking about you the day my son was born. As I held him in my arms, I let go of your ghost to move on, and I had room only for him in my heart. I was happy and didn’t need anyone else to take care of him or me. My son passed away eventually, but he left me enough memories to fill my heart.”

Sidhu felt bad for the proud and brave woman in front of him. Mahi had been so spirited and full of life when they were together. Listening to her life experiences made him feel petty, especially considering how quickly and how deeply he had fallen in love with Ananya.

“I’m sorry, Mahi. I didn’t mean to remind you of your painful memories.”

“That’s okay. I just wanted to apologize to you on what I did to you so I can clear part of my conscience.”

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