Page 91 of That Same Old Love

“Nope. And I don’t want you to change either, when you come to my place later this night.”

“Deal.”

Soon someone came looking for Samrat and he had to leave the dance floor to perform his host duty.

After a while, Mahi waved goodbye to the last of her friends and went to find Samrat. He was talking to Ananya and her friends who were with their families. He was interacting with a little boy.

As she went closer, she could hear their conversation.

“Did you have a great time Varun?” Samrat was asking the toddler.

“Yes, I did. My mummy even let me stay up very late because I am a big boy now.”

“Varun is the best behaving boy. His teachers are always telling us that he is the smartest child in the class too. He is also the bravest boy,” gushed an older woman who was probably his grandmother.

“Ma please. Varun is quite normal for his age,” Preethi intervened, looking slightly embarrassed.

“Yes grandma is right. I am brave. I fell down when I rode my cycle and got hurt on my head, but I didn’t cry much. I just cried for a second,” said Varun.

Samrat laughed and tousled Varun’s hair.

“That is brave of you, Varun,” he said and gave him a high five.

Varun’s grandmother was beaming with pride and happiness. “You are so good with children Samrat, you should have one soon. Someone like Varun,” she said with a smile.

“I definitely will aunty. I’m just waiting for my prospective wife to agree to marry me first,” he replied.

Everyone laughed, except Mahi. She had a small uncomfortable smile when some of them from the group looked towards her.

It has been close to one and half years since her son passed away. And when she moved to India last year, she had promisedherself to remember only their happy times together. But even then, it was still really difficult to see other healthy and happy toddlers who were around Aryan’s age.

Seeing Varun, and listening to the talk about how brave he was, triggered some of her most painful memories.

It was one of the last emergency hospital visits and the doctors had told Mahi that her son wouldn’t make it through more than a couple of days. She had broken down completely, but she tried to pull it together in front of Aryan. She tried her best to keep a happy expression on her face, but her tears wouldn’t stop.

“Mommy, please don’t cry. You know it makes me feel sad. These pokey needles don’t hurt me at all. See… I don’t have any tears in my eyes,” he told her with a weak smile from the hospital bed.

During most of his short life, he had been in and out of the hospital emergency rooms. And each time they placed his tiny body on the hospital bed to poke and prod him, he was quite brave. He had gotten so used to the poking and prodding that he didn’t even bother to flinch or complain anymore.

“I’m not crying, baby. Mommy just has some dust in her eyes. You are the bravest boy in this whole wide world and I’m very proud of you,” she smiled at him through her tears.

Mahi felt her old demons, grief and anger trying to rise within her, to take over her, and then send her back into that dark abyss, where there was no hope or purpose to her life.

Shuddering slightly, she excused herself and went to Samrat’s parents to let them know she was leaving. She had come in her own car since Samrat had come early to help Ananya and others with the arrangements.

She saw that Samrat was still talking to some people and seeing the guests off. Not wanting to make him feel obligated, she left quietly without letting him know.

CHAPTER 34

When she got home, she showered and wore her night clothes before pulling out some of her son’s photo albums. She watched them often, whenever she got reminded of something funny that Aryan did. She had also shown the pictures to Samrat.

Most of the time, she was happy and smiling while watching the pictures. Except on two occasions. On Aryan’s birthday and on his first death anniversary. Each time, Samrat had been next to her, holding her and then listening to her talk endlessly about her son. She had done the same during Samrat’s daughter’s birthday and death anniversary.

She knew it for sure that Samrat had moved on. He was still sad about the deaths of his daughter and wife, but he had accepted them, and was ready to begin a normal healthy life and start another family.

Unlike her. She was still stuck in grief and anger while living a life of denial.

She was definitely holding him back.

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