Page 93 of That Same Old Love

She was ashamed that her ex-husband had eventually driven the bravado and cockiness out of her, along with her confidence and pride.

Samrat held her chin and she still flinched slightly before looking into his face.

“Were you physically abused by your husband?” he asked her specifically.

She tried to turn away, but his hand held her chin firmly while watching her face very carefully.

She felt the sting behind her eyes and knew she was about to have a breakdown. “He didn’t hit me hard enough to hurt or show! But it hurt my pride and made me feel worthless. Are you happy? Do you want to go pat him on his back for being able to tame the bitch! Breaking her!” she shouted.

Samrat was bracing himself even though he guessed the answer already. But when she confirmed it, his heart still stopped and clenched painfully. When it started beating again, he felt different emotions overwhelm him. Anger, disgust, protectiveness, love and the strangest of all— jealousy.

“No. I’m not happy. Far from it. Your ex is a disgusting animal. Why didn’t you tell me everything about how it was during your marriage?” he demanded.

She sniffed and angrily brushed away her tears with the back of her hands. “I hate talking about it. I was a doormat then and I promised myself to never be one again.”

He held her arms. “No one expects you to be a doormat. Over the past year since we have been together, I’ve always treated you with respect and as an equal partner. You know damn well I can never lift a finger to hurt someone defenseless or weaker.”

She didn’t answer. She knew he was right, but her head was too messed up since that evening.

The feeling of jealousy persisted with him. “Did your friends know about what you had been through? Did you tell them about the physical abuse?” he asked softly.

Mahi knew where he was going with the questioning. “Yes,” she muttered and grimaced.

He was quiet for a few seconds.

“Why Mahi? Why them and not me? Have I ever given you an opportunity to think I could not be trusted with your secrets? I’ve told you about my wife, my daughter and even my dreamsfor our future. I bared myself for you. I thought you had done the same with me. Why didn’t you tell me everything?” he asked her intently.

She was almost tempted to blurt out a flip comment about him sounding like an overwrought emotional girl and to maybe man up a little. But she knew what he had asked was something she thought about as well. Why hadn’t she bared it all to him? Tell him about how her son had always been sick until he eventually passed away?

She looked at the floor like it held answers. “Maybe because… even though I trust you completely with my body, I don’t trust you with my heart,” she half lied. Then she looked up at him. “I shouldn’t have started this thing with you… It was a mistake.”

Samrat’s expression slowly changed from agonized to desperation. Helpless panic rose within him as he felt her trying to slip away from him and his life.

He clung to her. “Stop it. I know you very well. You don’t lash out at me with nonsense, unless something happened to scare you again. And what happened during your marriage definitely did not break you. You are a survivor and a fighter! You wouldn’t have started a relationship with me if you were still scared of being with another man. It’s something else that has scared you. Is it something to do with Aryan? Tell me what it is. Don’t shut me out. Talk to me!” he demanded.

She shook her head, tears flowing down her cheeks. “It’s over Samrat. You said we would end this deal when one of us wants an out. I want out,” she sobbed.

“No. Don’t. Stop it,” he rasped.

But she continued shaking her head. “I got into a relationship with you, thinking that we both didn’t want love, or marriage, or even children. We both enjoy sex and we are both good at sex. And we also enjoy our careers and spending time with relatives and friends. I thought we would be content with all of that.”

Samrat cupped her face and looked at her, “I don’t want to be content with that. I want more. I love you and I want all of you.”

Mahi shook her head again, and before she could say anything, “I want you to want the same!” he demanded.

“I’m sorry, Samrat. I can’t give you what you need,” she said softly.

“Please, give me a chance,” he begged.

She looked at him through tears. “I am. I’m giving you the chance to get away from me. To live a happy and a whole life. Please go. I’m begging you.”

He looked at her angrily and in pain. “You are a fool. You think you are being so noble and self-sacrificing, but you are not. You are hiding from the world, afraid to take any chances because you don’t want to get hurt again. I understand you, because I was the same for a long time too. But I can’t chase you forever. I need you to want me back as well and try taking chances. Will you?” he asked.

With tears streaming in her eyes, she shook her head. “No,” she whispered.

He watched her quietly for a few seconds, and then grabbed the keys from the wall peg, to go out from her house, and then from her life.

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