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“No!” I moderate my tone as I continue. “I don’t want a change.”

You want me to leave Logan?

“No! Deck, stop all this right now. I’ve told you straight out what I think and how I feel. You can’t keep questioning me like this. It isn’t fair.” For no good reason, it feels like I’m on the edge of tears.

He’s as upset as I am now. It’s happened in the span of a minute. He turns his head to the side and twists his features a couple of times before he gets himself back under control.Something wrong. Last night and still today.

“Nothing is wrong. I don’t know why you keep saying that.”

Something wrong. This time he makes the gestures emphatically. In fast jerks.With you. Something wrong. Talk.

I’m suddenly trapped. Terrified. I can’t even explain why, but my first instinct—my only instinct—is to flee. I jump to my feet, scrabbling to pull back on my panties and jeans. “Nothing is wrong. You’re imagining things. And you’re really getting on my nerves with this.”

Talk.

“I’m getting kind of tired of you not believing what I tell you.”

Then talk.

“I don’t have anything to say!”

Talk!He looks as angry and urgent as I feel.

“No!” I burst into tears but manage to swallow down the sobs until I walk away from him.

23

I avoidDeck for the rest of the day. It’s not as hard as it could have been because Logan is agreeable when I ask to practice driving one of the ATVs for the afternoon.

Every time I even glance in Deck’s direction, he’s frowning at me bleakly. He appears frustrated but not angry now. More sad than anything else. And there’s also a confusion underlying his expression that completely breaks my heart.

He has no idea what happened between us earlier.

Neither do I, if you want to know the truth.

I only know that he cornered me emotionally. With the way he was pushing, the only thing I had left to say was the truth I finally admitted to myself last night. That I love him, and I want him to love me too.

More than he loves Logan. More than he loves being part of this group.

It’s unfair. Irrational. Someone who truly cares forsomeone else shouldn’t force them into choosing between the things that they love. It’s wrong in every way, and I don’t like the part of myself that wants it.

I don’t even know why I do.

I’ve made it this far in a terrible world by making do, by not hoping for too much, by taking whatever is offered without expecting to get even more.

It makes no sense that now—for no good reason—I’m suddenly dreaming of more. Dreaming ofeverything.

I know better than that. It only leads to unhappiness. Disappointment. Loss.

Maybe it already has.

I don’t sit next to Deck at dinner or as we’re all hanging out in the evening. And I spread my sleeping bag next to Burgundy, expecting Deck to respect my need for space and sleep somewhere else.

He doesn’t. Subdued and brooding, he lies down near me. Not as close as normal but not very far away.

So I have to feel his presence as I try to sleep, hating myself for messing up the very best thing in my life.

I wake up early the next morning. Before dawn. I blink in the dark, my vision gradually adjusting. Burgundy is on one side, still asleep.

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