Page 34 of A Winter's Wedding

“What do you mean?” Carol sat at the table, moving the teabag back and forth in her cup, “the whole marriage thing? Nothing has happened yet.”

“First, he surprises me in Vegas, for no good reason?—”

“He had a decent reason?—”

“Fine. But then our flights home got canceled. And the bakery canceled. Leo’s credit card got stolen or something. Our car got broken into and all of my things were thrown in the slush, including my dress. Not that I need it anymore.”

“America that sounds awf?—”

“Oh, and my parents’ flight got canceled too. They’re somewhere, who knows. And with this storm coming in, I bet other people won’t be able to make it to the wedding either. The whole thing is ruined…”

America finally took a breath and Carol was able to get a word in, though she hadn’t followed everything America said. “And you feel like calling the whole thing off?”

America answered in the form of a sound in her throat.

“So, why aren’t you on your way home? We can’t do much with us being here, and you being there.”

“I just want to go back to Friday and start this whole week over,” America said with a deflated tone.

“Believe me when I tell you, that’s never going to happen.” Carol was speaking now from a place of experience. “You can never redo your life, nor do you really want to. Listen, I’m not sure how you got where you are right now, but all you can do is decide to take the next good step. You don’t want to say something or do something that you can never turn back from.”

America was silent on the other end of the line, and Carol processed her own advice in the absence of words. America was certainly having a bad day, and was certainly overreacting, but hadn’t Carol also overreacted to Edwin wanting to know the truth last night?

Hadn’t she used her father’s alcoholism as an excuse to not get close to anyone? The only person she hurt in the long run wasn’t her father, long in the grave, but herself. And due to her actions, Edwin had suffered as she hid her heart from him. In truth, she had hurt everyone she cared about. Now, even if she told him the whole truth, could he forgive her?

Edwin had wanted her to open up. He had practically begged her to. And she ran. Fear had played another trick on her, and she wasn’t about to let the same thing happen to someone she loved.

“America, you still there?” she asked, even though America’s little sobs could be heard through the phone. “I need to tell you a story, and maybe, just maybe it will help give you some perspective.”

“Okay,” she barely said.

“You know about Pa and me attending the winter formal back in high school, and that our moment was cut short, but that’s not even the half of it. I was in love with Edwin. I knew it for sure by the end of the dance, and I wanted to tell him. We went outside to get some fresh air, and it started snowing. When I nearly slipped, Edwin caught me before I hit the ground and possibly ruined my dress. We were about to share our first kiss when my father’s station wagon ripped round the side of the gym where I was wrapped in Edwin’s arms.”

“I know all of this, Carol.”

“Bear with me.” Carol said more irritated than she meant, “Sorry. My fuse is a little short from not sleeping last night.”

“What was last night?” America asked.

“I’ll get there, but I’ll skip the forty years in between,” she said, and America chuckled through the line which was a good sign that Carol’s story was already helping her. “My father was a drunk. And that night, I knew it was trouble. He had already threatened Edwin, or anyone else who would touch me. So, when I saw him coming, I stood up and kicked Pa right in the shin so hard that he fell to the ground. I’m sure my father saw the whole thing and he actually acted concerned for me once I got in his car.”

Carol cleared the emotion from her throat and took another sip of her tea. “I was too embarrassed to come clean to Edwin after that and honestly thought I wouldn’t see him after graduation. I left town, and he joined the army. That was that, as they say.”

“Only, it wasn’t. Was it?”

“Do you know I’ve spent decades pretending to hate the only man I’ve ever loved. And over what? A teenager’s misunderstanding of the world. My shame at who I was, and my fear about becoming like my father and hurting those around me led me to a place where I did exactly that, only a different way. Don’t make the same mistake.”

“But you have no idea?—”

“It doesn’t matter. Whatever happened between you and Leo doesn’t define your future as long as you don’t allow it to. You love him, right?”

“You know I do.”

“Does he know that?” Carol said and placed her hand on the shoebox filled with her past.

“I don’t know. Not after what I said to him this morning.” America took a loud raspy breath.

“Tell him. And then get your butts back here so we can have that party!”

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