Opening my eyes, the candle remains stubbornly unlit.
It’s enough to blow those cracks in me wide open.
Sinking back onto my stool, I rest my elbows on the table and press my face into my hands. The tears come a moment later. It’s not pretty crying, either, but big, wracking sobs that tear through me and wet, messy tears that fall from my cheeks to the tabletop. The noises I’m making are pathetic, dejected, and quite frankly embarrassing as I let it all out.
A candle. A freaking candle was all it took to break me.
I’m only thankful I’m alone, no one here to witness what a damn mess I am.
“Allie?”
Well, shit.
Pulling my head up, I see Eren just before he reaches me and throws his arms and wings around me. I’m lifted, carried back through the map room and into the library where he settles into one of the plush armchairs with me in his lap.
“Shh,” he soothes when we’re seated. “What’s wrong?”
Nothing comes out but more tears when I try to answer him.Everything, I want to say,everything is wrong. But, because that would be even more pathetic, I settle for crying all over his jacket for the next few minutes. When I’ve finally quieted down, he tries again.
“Allie, what’s wrong?”
I still can’t answer that question, so I deflect. “What are you doing down here? You were supposed to be in court for another hour.”
Silence is my only answer. Beneath me, his body tenses a little. When I raise my damp eyes and look at him, it’s guilt I find written clear as day across his face.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I can… feel you,” he admits after another few beats of silence.
“What does that mean?”
Eren’s eyes dart back and forth across my face like he’s trying to gauge what kind of reaction he’ll get to whatever he tells me next.
“Just tell me. Please.”
He lets out a tense breath. “It’s because of the mate bond. When you experience powerful emotions, I can feel an echo of them through the bond.”
“Even if you’re not in the same room?”
“I think I’d be able to feel it even if we weren’t in the same realm.”
My stomach drops. “So you could feel all of that? When I started losing my shit over a candle, you knew I was having a breakdown?”
He looks confused at the candle comment, but nods slowly. “When you started to cry, I could feel that.”
“Fuck,” I say, struggling to move away from him.
He doesn’t let me go anywhere. “It’s not… I don’t mind.”
“I mind,” I say, tears returning. “I don’t want to add everything I’m feeling to everything you’re already dealing with. It’s not fair. It’s just making me more of a burden to—”
“Enough,” he says, with enough firm command behind the words to give me pause. “Feeling you this way, having this bond between us, it’s the greatest blessing I could ever ask for. Not a burden.”
Something warm and comforting coils itself around my heart. Still, I can’t let it go. “But if all it’s bringing you is more pain and misery on top of everything else, what good is that?”
Eren reaches up and wipes away a tear from my cheek. “It’s still a blessing, because I know when you need my help the most.”
“You’ve already got enough to deal with.”