I should be caring for her after what we just did. I pushed her tonight, asked so much of her body, demanded her trust, and she gave and gave every step of the way. And now, when it’s my turn to give, I’ve finally pushed too far.
Shame and regret spiral up like smoke from the bottom of my gut.
From the other side of the door, I hear the faint sound of water running, followed by a soft splash a minute later, and I imagine her lowering herself into the tub.
I should be there, washing her, soothing her. She’s my wife, my mate…
Why didn’t I tell her sooner? The answer comes to me easily enough.
Exactly for this reason, idiot.
Humans don’t conceptualize mates like demons do. The draw, the tie to her, from the outside in it’s no surprise that it looks a whole lot like thoughtless compulsion.
On some level, I think I could already sense that Allie needed to feel chosen. The way she couldn’t believe it was her the Goddess selected for me, the way even her own mother had no faith in her abilities. It’s no great leap to guess my little witch knows the sting of rejection all too well.
And now she’s feeling it from me.
Rising naked from the bed, I cross the room on unsteady legs. My mind tumbles over itself as I approach the door, thinking about how I can fix this.
But when I hear faint crying from within, all thoughts leave me and I act on pure instinct.
Chapter 13
Allie
The bathroom is beautiful. There’s a wide tub set into the floor and carved from the mountain stone itself, fixtures of shining obsidian, soft rugs on the floor, and a soaring cathedral ceiling that’s open to the night sky so high above.
A magickal place, an impossible one, and I’m completely unable to appreciate it as I cross to the sink and turn on the faucet to splash some water on my face. Staring at myself in the mirror, I’m surprised to find the same old Allie looking back at me. After everything that’s happened, it seems impossible.
Well, the same old Allie with sex-tousled hair and kiss-swollen lips and two truly shocking fang marks on my neck. The same old Allie with a demon husband.
Not only that, butmate. Eren thinks I’m his mate.
The concept is simple enough to understand. Other species who can sometimes feel compelled on their basest level toward a reproductive partner. It’s biological, devoid of reason or want or… affection. There are whole tomes about it in the coven archives, where I spend one weekend a month in order to fulfill my required service as an active coven member. While I might not understand everything about it, I’ve read enough to get the basic facts.
Eren didn’t choose me.
I mean, I knew that, right? The whole Tithe thing, the choosing by the Goddess, all of that I understood.
It’s just… Eren had seemed happy it wasme. No matter what brought us together, I thought maybe I was someone hewouldhave chosen, if life or fate had afforded us that luxury.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Stepping away from the sink, I walk to the huge sunken tub that’s steaming with warm, fragrant water and wade in. My body is sore in the best way, my core aching from his rough, delicious fucking. If what we shared tonight is any indication, the physical part of this bargain, at least, won’t be any kind of burden to endure.
So why do I care so much about the mate thing? Eren is obviously attracted to me, and worships at my body like it’s an altar. Does it really matter why? We’re together now, why does it matter whether he’d have chosen it?
It’s stupid. Itdoesn’tmatter. And maybe I’m just blowing it out of proportion. All of it’s got me fucked up—this whole night, the looming specter of the Veil and the bargain, losing my previous life. I’m in no headspace to figure out anything I’m feeling right now.
Still, I stand in the middle of the bath, unable to move, unable to sort through my racing thoughts. I can’t let it go… the confidence and certainty in the way he looked at me… knowing it wasmehe wanted… feeling the magick of the Goddess settle over us and believing for just a moment that it wasn’t some terrible mistake…
It made me feel powerful. For the first time in my life.
Unable to stop it, a small sob breaks from me. Fuck. I shouldn’t feel this weak. I can’t do this, can’t break like this, can’t be feeling so much, so soon.
Nothing has changed, and everything has.
I’m too busy trying to stop the tears to register the quiet opening of the door behind me, or the soft, quick footsteps over the stone floor. It’s not until I hear a splash that I turn and immediately find myself hauled up against a hard male body.