Page 92 of Nora's Kraken

Right now, I’m still riding the high of relief. Daniel, everything that happened tonight, the whiplash of being here and safe, all of it still feels like it’s being held at arm’s length in the back of my mind. Eventually, it’s going to come back around in waves that will catch me off guard, devastate me, and leave me a mess.

“The detective, Harris, she gave me some information on trauma counselors in Seattle. I think I’d like to see one.”

Elias’s arms tighten around me. “That sounds like a good idea. Whatever support you need, I want to help you find it.”

The weight of that support is already settling on me like a warm blanket, just as steady and real as the feel of Elias holding me.

“But I’m… alright,” I tell him, trying to think how I can explain. “Right now. Fuck, I mean, I’m probably not. But I feel okay. I want to be here with you.”

“Nora…” Elias starts, leaning away a little so he can look at me. “I want to apologize for everything. For the part I played in making it so Sorenson could find you. If it wasn’t for me going to the Bureau and having them track you down, he wouldn’t have.”

There it is. Some part of me already knew that’s what he was feeling guilty about, but I’m still glad he’s able to be open and honest enough to tell me.

I reach up to run my fingers through his hair. “Do you remember what you said to me the first time I told you about Daniel?”

“What part?”

“You told me it wasn’t my fault. What he did. The way he treated me and made me feel. You told me it wasn’t my fault.”

He nods, but the wariness doesn’t leave his face.

“I’ve never blamed you,” I continue. “For any of it. I mean, yeah, I was pissed and scared at first, and even more pissed that Daniel violated both our privacy by finding me the way he did, but none of that was on you.”

Elias tugs me back against his chest. “You’re better to me than I deserve, little siren.”

I can’t help it, I have to laugh at that. “And you’ve been absolutely wonderful to me from the day we met.”

“I keep thinking about it,” he confesses. “Everything. All of it. What I could have done differently. How I could have protected you better. Wondering if you might have been better off if I’d never seen you in the coffee shop that day.”

“I wouldn’t have been,” I say, absolutely certain. “Sure, maybe Daniel wouldn’t have found me, but I also might have stayed in the place I was for who knows how much longer. Afraid. Hiding. I’m never going to claim it was good that things happened like they did, but you finding me will never be a bad thing.”

Elias nods, thinking that over, too, but still doesn’t look convinced.

It’s a strange sensation, feeling his indecision like this. It’s like two opposing strands wrapped around each other—one that wants to reach out and claim me, keep me with him forever, and one that still pulses with a guilt and regret I somehow know he feels to his core.

Even more strangely, the combination of the two calms me even more than I already was. It’s been like this with him since the beginning. Nothing forced, nothing owed to or expected by him. Even now, it’s my choice where we go next.

It seems almost silly, honestly, after everything that happened tonight, to still have that be an open question.

It’s one I have no hesitation in answering now.

“Elias.” I lean up to press a soft kiss on his lips. “I don’t want this to touch us, not anymore.”

We’ve been a pair of fools. Too careful, too cautious, and I’ll be the first to admit I can take the blame for most of it.

Not that he’d ever blame me.

“Tell me what you want,” I say, curling my fingers into his damp hair. “Without being worried you’re going to freak me out. Tell me what you really want.”

Elias’s eyes dart back and forth across my face. Whatever he finds there, it makes him take a long, deep breath before he answers.

“I want you with me, Nora. I want you here when I fall asleep and when I wake up. Always. I want you here always.”

The warmth of his words echoes the warmth in my chest as I burrow into him.

“Alright,” I whisper, pressing another soft kiss against his neck. “Alright. Thank you for telling me. And I have a counter-offer.”

With the first genuine smile he’s had on his face tonight and a low, relieved laugh rumbling in his chest, he kisses my forehead before answering. “And what would that be?”

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