Page 89 of Kenna's Dragon

No, I force myself to remember, crossing the lobby and heading for the front door as soon as the elevator doors open,I can’t lie to myself like that.

I should have expected every bit of this hurt. From the moment Blair’s golden gaze landed on me that first day in the Bureau. From the moment I started to get to know the man behind all those walls he likes to keep around himself. From the moment I started to trust him, feel safe with him, want him like I’ve never wanted…

Stop. I have to stop. I need to get away from here.

The early evening air is balmy when I make it outside. I don’t even know where I’m going. All I know is I need to get away from this building.

Blair’s probably following me, and I’m sure it won’t take him too long to catch up with me, but I want as much time between now and then as I can manage.

I don’t even know what I want to say to him.

Do I even have a right to be angry with him? I mean, he’s been clear since the beginning what he can offer me and what he can’t. I’ve always known the deal.

I can’t offer you anything… more than this.

Hetoldme. He told me in no uncertain terms exactly who and what I was to him, and it’s not his fault I didn’t listen.

But that’s just who I am, isn’t it? Kenna Byrne, certified fuck-up. Always taking the path guaranteed to have the most spectacular crash-ending. Forever determined to make the absolute worst choice possible in any given situation.

I’m so lost in those self-deprecating thoughts that I nearly jump out of my skin when Blair calls out from behind me.

“Kenna.”

The stern command makes me falter a step, but I keep walking, keep determinedly striding down the sidewalk a block away from the Bureau until he’s right beside me. He puts a hand on my shoulder and I immediately shake it off.

“Not here.”

We’re not doing this here. Not so close to the Bureau. Despite everything between us, it’s not the Bureau I want to hurt, and a public meltdown between the Director and a low-level employee would do just that.

I keep walking, mind settled on a small park a couple blocks away as my destination. Mercifully, Blair takes the hint and doesn’t say a word until we’re there.

Cutting through a maze of walkways and green space, I find a quiet corner of the park that’s going to offer us as much privacy as we can hope for right now.

And then there’s no more time.

When I stop walking, there’s no more time to think, no more time to hide, no more time to do anything but face this.

“How much of that did you hear?” Blair asks from behind me.

“Enough.”

Elias’s suggestion that there was a possibility Blair and I might have been meant for each other all this time. A chance that everything I’ve been feeling since that very first moment we locked eyes might not have been just my imagination.

Followed by Blair’s immediate, flat denial.

Blair makes a noise in the back of his throat that’s not quite agreement and not quite disagreement, just acknowledgment of the fact that I’ve spoken.

Something about the sound sparks my temper immediately.

That’s it? That’s all he’s going to give me?

Steadying myself with another deep breath, I turn to face him with as much resolve as I can. Arms crossed over my chest to protect the soft, fragile spot right in the center of me, chin held high.

I can do this.

I can end this.

I can make it out on the other side.

---