Page 29 of Monsters' Manor

“Did something happen with Ren? Did he—”

“It wasn’t him. It was me. I… I…” I can’t make the words come out.

I could have killed Renwick. Iwouldhave killed Renwick if he weren’t some kind of indestructible demon.

“Rosemary,” Silas says, still with all his innate gentleness and goodness. Kindness I don’t deserve. “You’re scaring me a little. What can I do to help?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing you can do to help.”

Silas shakes his head and takes a step closer. Two of his shadows reach forward like he means to embrace me with them.

“Stop,” I say, voice coming out in a strangled whisper. “I’m not… you shouldn’t… I don’t want to hurt you.”

Silas freezes. “You’re not going to hurt me. Why do you think you would?”

“My fire. I was training with Renwick, and it… I… lost control. I could have hurt him. I could have killed him.”

My voice breaks, and Silas makes a low noise of disagreement in the back of his throat. “You were never going to hurt him. Renwick is—”

“Durable. I know. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m… I’m… who I am.WhatI am.”

Again, Silas shakes his head. “That’s why Odelia wanted you to train with him. So the two of you could figure it out. So you’d be able to safely test the limits of all of that power you have. I’m sure Renwick understands. I’m sure he’s not—”

“No,” I interrupt, not sure exactly which part I disagree with, but unable to take one more gentle word.

Why doesn’t he understand? Why don’t either of them understand?

I don’t belong here.

I don’t belonganywhere. Not with as dangerous and unpredictable as my magick is, not with as weak and afraid as I am—unable to control it, a danger to everyone around me, not fit to—

“Darling.”

The soft caress of two shadows against my cheeks makes my chest tighten painfully.

I can’t do this. To myself, to Silas, to Renwick. I can’t stand it.

“Just leave me alone, Silas.”

He gathers his shadows back to him. Do I imagine the way his darkness deepens? The way it obscures his face, making it hazy and indistinguishable again, too opaque for me to see him clearly?

“Alright,” he says softly, already fading into the surrounding night. “Alright. If that’s what you want, I’ll go.”

Tears gather in my eyes, making him even more blurry, and his parting words are nearly lost in the soft hush of evening wind.

“We’re here for you, Rosemary. Both of us. Please know that.”

Alone in the woods as the last fingers of daylight stain the sky a burnt orange through the forest’s reaching canopy, I realize I can’t feel any more magick.

Not mine. Not Silas’s.

It’s all gone. Retreated with my harsh words or pushed down so far I couldn’t find it right now even if I wanted to.

A stronger gust of wind sends a chill through me, and the first waves of exhaustion and drain creep in as the last of my adrenaline fades. I trudge the rest of the way to my cottage on legs that feel like lead, and can’t make it any further than the front room.

I collapse onto the sofa and drag a blanket off the floor to drape over myself.

Shivering and entirely wrung through, I surrender to the weight pressing down on me. My eyes slide shut, and blissful darkness seeps over me.

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