I try to breathe around it. I try to swallow it down, keep my shit together, not let Rhett see how close I am to falling apart when it’s obvious he’s struggling with all of this, too.
But the longer we stand in the cabin's silence, the more impossible that becomes.
The shaking starts in my hands, but it doesn’t stay there. My knees knock and my chest feels hollow and fluttery. I can’t get a good breath, can’t think around the wave of panic—
Before I can register what’s happening, Rhett hauls me up against him. With one of his hands cradled around the back of my head to keep me close and the other settled firmly on my back, I feel the fast beat of his heart where my cheek’s pressed tohis chest, and something else, a low rumble that almost sounds like…
“Are you purring?”
The surprise of it is enough to clear away some of my shaky fear, and although the rumble kicks down a few notches at the question, it stays low and steady and oddly soothing as it echoes through me.
“Does it displease you?”
“No, it doesn’t. It only… why are you doing it?”
Instead of answering, Rhett tightens his arms around me. His purr gets louder, and his lips press to the top of my head.
With each passing heartbeat, my panic ebbs. Slowly, gently, like water down a drain, it slides away until all I’m feeling is the safety of his arms around me.
“I do it because it’s meant to comfort you, Joan. Only you. It’s only for you.”
It takes me a couple seconds to understand what he means, why his voice sounds so broken when he says it.
His mate. The purr is for his mate.
“Rhett,” I whisper. “I—”
“It’s alright,” he says gently, still so low and ragged. “You don’t have to accept it, if you don’t want to. You don’t have to doanythingyou don’t want to. Tell me to stop, and I will.”
I don’t say anything. I can’t. I just nestle closer into him and feel another wave of soothing calm when he leans down to press his lips to my forehead.
“I could bring you home,” Rhett continues. “Tonight. You could be back in your own realm, in your own bed, away from here, so no one—”
“No.”
The certainty in my tone surprises us both. Rhett’s breath catches, and his purr stutters for a moment before it evens back out.
“Why do you want to stay?”
The question isn’t accusing. It’s soft, seeking, murmured into my hair as his hands stroke up and down my back and arms.
“We’re going to the demon court tomorrow, right? To see Allie and Eren?”
“Yes, we are.”
“Then I’m staying. I want to talk to Allie and explain what’s been going on. She should hear it from me.”
Rhett pulls back so he can look at me. “This does not need to be your battle, Joan.”
The moment stretches out between us. Rhett’s eyes rove back and forth across my face, their crimson depths searching and uncertain. His touch gentles until it’s barely a touch at all, hands ghosting over my skin before falling away to hang by his sides.
He’s pulling back, giving me an out, putting whatever he feels about me and the bond between us behind some wall, giving me the option to ignore it completely.
I grab his hand.
His fingers flex around mine, squeezing tight before he remembers himself and relaxes his hold.
“Right now, it is my battle,” I say, quiet but certain. “We’re in this together, Rhett.”