Page 122 of Shadows of Stardust

“I’m sure it has,” she says with another not-quite-laugh.

The sun has fully crested the horizon now, bathing us both in its light. Roslyn shifts in my arms, lets out a long breath.

“I can’t help but wonder what all of it was for,” she murmurs. “Serving with the Sol Alliance. Leaving home. Fighting in wars that have nothing to do with me, not even knowing whether I was on the right side or the wrong one. Being told where to go and what to do and never being allowed to question it.”

“Being able to support your family,” I remind her gently. “It allowed you to do that as well.”

“But I failed at that, too, didn’t I? Maybe if I would have stayed on Severin, things would have been different. I could have been there for Savvie. I could have made sure she didn’t—”

“Roslyn,” I softly interrupt, not liking the way her tone is quickly veering into self-loathing and blame. “You couldn’t have known. You did your best with the hand the universe dealt you.”

“It sure is pretty to think so, isn’t it?”

Her question isn’t one that needs an answer. We both fall silent, watching the sun rise over lilac and cerulean waves, the weight of her words settling between us.

It sure is pretty to think so, isn’t it?

Perhaps I could say the same for my own service, for the way I’ve also been a piece in someone else’s game, a soldier in someone else’s war. Perhaps in a somewhat different capacity than Roslyn, but the heart of the thing seems to be the same.

It opens a wide, yawning pit within me, a bolt of doubt to the very foundation of conviction I’ve always felt about my place within the Aux.

And perhaps it’s always been there, that doubt. Perhaps I’ve never bought into the myth the way some of my fellow soldiers have.

But perhaps, like Roslyn, I’ve never been free to examine it. Perhaps I’ve always been too busy trying to survive it.

A tangle, all of it.

And just like I have no good way to fix Roslyn’s problems, I’ve got no good answer for this, either.

“Anyway,” Ros says a short time later with a slight shimmy of her shoulders, like she could physically shake the hounding thoughts away. “I’m in. And we’re going to get you so far into Marva’s good graces that she’ll turn your reinstatement into a promotion somehow.”

I laugh a little at that, but the sound is off. Hollow and forced, though if Roslyn can hear it, she doesn’t say a word.

Instead, she shifts forward and stands, offering me a hand up.

“Come on,” she says with a defiant lift of her chin. A soldier, squaring up before a battle. “Let’s go make the most of it.”

36

Roslyn

Mate Match Transcript: S24 E11 INTERVIEW 5

Contestant: Roslyn|Producer: Sella

S: So, Ros, tell us how you’re feeling about the Choosing ceremony coming up in just a couple of days.

R: I’m… well, I guess I’m feeling… I don’t know, to be honest.

S: How are you and Zan preparing for it?

R: We’re preparing for it by… I guess we’re both… I… I don’t…

S: It’s alright, take your time if you need to think about it.

R: Sorry. Can we move on to another question?

S: … Sure, Ros, anything you need.

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