Page 123 of Shadows of Stardust

The last few days on the Mate Match beach happen at warp-speed.

Once Zan and I had our big moment for the cameras during our date, we’re mostly off the hook from production.

Besides a few brief interludes—a quick cruise over the water, shots of us at breakfast and lounging around the beach in the afternoon—we’re left mostly to our own devices.

And I’m so damn grateful for that.

Five days after our date, four days after the disaster with Savvie in the village, we’ve made it all the way to the very last day of filming on the Mate Match beach.

It’s another beautiful day.

In fact, every day has been beautiful. Like adding insult to injury, we’ve been having the most fantastic, perfect weather to wrap up our time here.

It’s annoying as hell.

I’d rather it be storming.

I’d rather be holed up in bed in the bungalow, buried under the covers, hiding away and counting down the hours until I leave here.

But we’ve still got a performance to put on, and I still need to make good on my end of this bargain to get Zan back to his life.

No matter the fact that my heart is still broken. No matter that I’m still somewhere outside my body, watching everything play out like I’m one of those billions of viewers, just here for the spectacle of it all.

I can’t think about it too much or I’ll crack. I can’t let it all the way in.

Not now. Not yet.

“I’m going to take a quick dip,” Zan says from beside me.

We’re sprawled out on a couple of loungers. Shaded from the late afternoon sun by a wide umbrella, I glance over at him and nod, trying not to stare as he rises gracefully and heads toward the water.

God, it’s one more thing I can’t think about.

How beautiful he is, how much I’m going to miss this view.

But, as he strides through the sand toward the water, I’m powerless to look away. I’m powerless to keep my eyes from roving over every inch of muscle and every ripple of his armor, committing the sight to memory so I can keep it with me when I go.

Tomorrow.

We’re leaving tomorrow.

We just have to get through the Choosing, the final gauntlet Mate Match puts its contestants through.

We’ll stand up on that platform, and no matter which of us Geeno prompts to speak first, we’ve already decided what we’re going to say.

It’s been amazing, but it’s not going to work out. We care for each other, but we’re not leaving here together.

We’ll both be the bigger person. We’ll be respectful, calm, collected. We’ve got it all planned out. One last assignment on this successful mission.

And then we’ll both be off to the lives we’ve got waiting for us.

Zan, back to the Aux. Back to his mission to protect all those kids who’ve got no one to look out for them, to make sure they’ve got someone in their corner like he never had anyone in his.

And me. Back to Severin. Back to…

My mind blanks. A deep, endless void where my future should be.

Instead of letting it consume me, my eyes find Zan in the water. He’s in up to his waist, and I watch as he dives under the crest of a wave and swims a few meters before popping back up. He gives his damp hair a shake, sending droplets flying, and a restless urge moves through me.

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