Page 131 of Shadows of Stardust

That’s all it is.

That’s all it can be.

Over and over, I stroke my hands through Zan’s hair, until his breath grows deep and even and I wriggle out from underhim. Settling on the bed beside him, I don’t fight it when he pulls me into his arms.

I don’t do anything but burrow right into him and let sleep claim me.

Dawn is only a few hours away, and it’ll bring the end of all this when it comes.

So I let myself savor for just a little longer.

The steady weight of Zan at my back, the deep, comforting rasp of his breath, the beating of his heart.

One more night.

39

Zandrel

I wake in a cloud of soft and warm and peace.

Safe and comfortable. With birds singing outside the window and no hint of danger for a light-year or two.

On my back with Ros beside me—draped across my chest, hand resting over my heart—in those first few moments of waking I might be a different being in a different life, so far removed from my reality.

Her dark brown hair spills like an ink stain over the sheets. Morning sun streams through the window and highlights every beautiful angle of her face, and for a few long moments, I’m unable to do anything but stare at her.

But it’s a double-edged sword.

As beautiful as she is, and as content as I’d be to stay here staring at her all day, the sun brought with it a stark reminder that time is up.

Today is our last day.

Unable to escape that truth, and just as unable to remain where I am, I slide out of bed and head for the bathroom.

Every part of me protests as I do. Every part of me aches to get back into bed and curl up next to her, to steal just a few more moments of the borrowed time we’ve been living on.

I’ll be back with the Aux later today.

After filming wraps, after Ros and I go our separate ways, I’ll be back on a ship and yes, it’ll take a few spans of travel to the nearest jumpgate, but just a short jaunt from there back to Aux Headquarters.

Enough time to get my head on straight.

Enough time to plan.

Enough time to remember exactly why it’s so important I return.

Because I’ll be damned if I can remember that, now.

With Ros’s scent still clinging to every inch of me and dread pooling low in my gut, leaving here without her feels like it might be the biggest mistake I’ll ever make.

If I could afford to be selfish, I’d say the hell with the Aux and everything they’ve taken from me. I’d let them rot, let them sort out their abhorrence on their own time.

But I can’t afford to be selfish, not when it means that some kid out there who’s just like I was—just as scared, just as alone, just as vulnerable—might not have anyone to stop what happened to me from happening to them. Letting things remain as they are within the Aux when I have the power to change the course of so many lives isn’t a choice I can make.

I exhale slowly through my nose and turn on the tap. In cold, bracing handfuls, I splash water over my face and hope it will do anything at all to snap me out of the heavy, bleak pall that’s set down on my shoulders.

When I look up, running a towel over my face to dry it, Ros stands in the bathroom doorway, one shoulder propped against the frame as she watches me.

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