Page 135 of Shadows of Stardust

“Goodbye, Zan.”

Then it’s time to stop looking back, time to stop wishing things were different, time to face facts.

Time to put this behind me, time to get on with… well, with whatever comes next.

And even though my heart feels cracked open wide in my chest, even though every step away from him feels like a step in the wrong direction, like a step I’ll regret every day for the rest of my life, I don’t look back again.

41

Zandrel

When Ros turns to walk away, she takes half of me with her.

It’s the half that would damn my duty and cast off my responsibilities. It’s the half that believes I can have softness and peace and a safe place to lay my head at the end of each day.

It’s the half that loves her beyond reason.

Geeno has already left the platform, too, and somewhere nearby I can hear the fast, agitated cadence of his voice as he no doubt chews out the producers over what just happened here.

But it all feels very far away.

Geeno’s blustering, the breaking of the waves on the beach, the midday sun shining like a hot, guilty spotlight to illuminate what just happened here. To make sure I have nowhere to hide from what I’ve just done.

I can barely comprehend any of it as I watch Roslyn disappear through the break in the trees lining the beach and fight every instinct that would send me barreling after her.

“Well, you two really fucked that up.”

Blood dropping by several degrees, I turn to find Marva stepping up onto the platform.

“We abided by your terms. You can’t mean to revoke them now that we’ve—”

She waves one hand carelessly in front of her before raising it to massage the bridge of her nose, eyes shut tight in irritation. “No. Not that.”

“Then what—”

“You have to ask?”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to keep arguing, to offer more of the tired old lies I’ve been telling myself for the last few days.

For the last few weeks, maybe.

Since the moment Roslyn and I first met.

Under the weight of Marva’s hard stare, though, that’s just what they would be. Lies. Hollow, spineless justifications.

“So what are you going to do about it?” Marva asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

I let out a tight sigh through my nose. “I’m going back to the Aux.”

“To take care of that dirty little recruiting secret they’ve been hiding?”

“How do you—”

“Please, Zandrel. You think I didn’t do my research when I found out they were shipping an Aux mercenary here to be part of my crew?”

I sigh again, resigned this time.

“Then you know why it’s so important I go back.”

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