Page 147 of Shadows of Stardust

My whole body aches with the need to step closer, to wrap myself around him and beg him to stay.

The moment stretches long between us. Evening noise filters up from the city below, the sound of distant voices, the occasional passing of a craft, a din that leaves us both cradled in its protective cocoon. A hundred different things I want to say, to plead, to demand, but Zan speaks again before I can decide on one.

“I’m not active Aux anymore.”

My breath catches. “You’re not?”

He shakes his head and runs a hand over the back of his neck. “No. I’m not. Technically, I’m still part of the organization, but in a different capacity. I’m heading up a regulatory board looking into recruiting practices and implementing the changes it will take to ensure no other kids will be brought into this life like I was.”

“Zan,” I whisper. “That’s amazing.”

He shrugs. “It’s a start.”

“It’s more than a start,” I say with enough conviction to shake a little of that damned modesty off his face and turnthe corners of his lips up in another smile. “It’s massive, Zan. Massive. I’m so proud of you.”

A wobble, in that smile, a deep, indrawn breath as he accepts the praise he’s more than earned.

“It’s also work that will let me have a home base almost anywhere, so long as I have a good comms link. They’ve outfitted me with a ship for when I need to travel, and…”

His words trail off, gaze tracing back and forth across my face.

“What else does it change?” I ask, barely allowing myself to hope. “Leaving active duty? Does it mean you can have… a partner?”

“It does,” he says solemnly. “It also means I won’t be fighting anymore. I won’t be running missions.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

Zan falls silent, considering the question for a few moments before answering. “I… I don’t know. I’m glad, I think, but some part of me still doesn’t know if I can be… more than what I was. If I’m built for anything but war.”

His words are vulnerable, a little stilted, and I know they’re an effort for my stoic Revexoran.

“I think you can be whatever you want to be, Zan. We’re not tied to one single path or purpose.”

He nods, but doesn’t answer, looking away from me to the stars above like he’s contemplating just how many paths might still be waiting for him out there.

Hundreds. Thousands. Millions. More.

In the unending sprawl of the universe, there are more paths for both of us than we could ever hope to count. So many individual choices and twists of fate that could have meant we never met each other at all. The innumerable, unknowable billions of ways we could have missed each other steal my breathin a sudden wave of panicked certainty, and I know I can’t let this one infinite moment pass us by.

“I’m moving,” I say. “To Terra Spei.”

Zan goes still, eyes darting back to meet mine. “Are you? I’ve never been.”

“It’s beautiful. And peaceful. I’ve heard it’s a lot like Earth. Or, well, what Earth used to be.”

He takes a step closer and curls an achingly gentle hand around my jaw. “I hope it is. I hope it’s everything you’ve dreamed of, everything you’ve wanted for yourself.”

My heart is too big for my chest. My skin is too small for my soul. I lean into his touch.

“You might like it, too.”

The hand he has on me tightens. “Would I?”

“I think you would. I mean, if you wanted… If you don’t have any other…”

When my words fail, Zan moves closer and fills the remaining space between us with the low, soft rumble of his voice. “Would you like me to come with you, my warrior?”

“Yes.” It’s a breathless plea, a promise. “I want you to come with me.”

---