Page 20 of Beyond Repair: Part One

"Yes, sir." Henry—his voice is scratchy. "Kai proposed almost a year ago."

My mom and dad congratulate them.

I feel my soul crack down the middle, along with my biggest dream of all. Of course I noticed how Kai and Henry were witheach other in high school, but I guess I just thought I could have them all. I was selfish to assume all four of them could see me as more than a friend.

I'm happy for them.So happy, I chant over and over again until resignation sets in. The sinking sensation that I lost them to each other turns into relief. I lost our potential love the day I was kidnapped. I'll just be grateful they have each other because there's no way anyone would want me.

I can't help but wonder if they were relieved. Did they immediately jump into their relationship when I went missing? Was I just in the way? We were all building something;I know it, but maybe they wished for a different outcome.Looks like they got it.

My dad yanks me out of my self-deprecating thoughts with another topic that makes me want to break down and sob. "If you're going to stick around, there are a few other things you should know."

"Will," Mom snaps, and the rubbing on my knee stops. "Not when Nina's?—"

Pulling on all the numbness I have in my arsenal, I let a slight disassociation settle over me like a heavy blanket. "It's fine, Mom," I whisper while peeling my eyes open.

She gasps and leans over me so she's all I can see. "Are you okay, sweetheart? You collapsed!"

I nod and apologize softly. She helps pull me into a sitting position and tucks a blanket over me. Ignoring all the eyes on me, I shift my butt back into the corner and pull my legs into my chest. I feel nothing as the small wounds on my knees pull.

My shields are up. The four male voices saying things to me go unheard.

"Go ahead, Dad." I cut the guys off and drop my head onto my legs. Seeing their pitying looks is the last thing I need rightnow. We all know this won't work and once Dad gives them a little slice of my issues, they'll be out the door so fast.

Gosh, I was so stupid to reach for Henry.If he knew even a fraction of who I am now and what my body looks like, he would have shied away from me.

"Best we get this over with," I all but whimper into the darkness of my folded frame.

Even with my intentional avoidance, I recognize Trevor's voice. "I don't think this is a good idea."Perfect, he gets it!"I'd rather hear from you, Neen, when you're ready."

That's not....that's not going to happen."Mom..." I peek at her.

The understanding in her gaze helps relax me and when she acknowledges my nod to continue, the battle to keep my eyes dry begins. Dad sucks in a breath and I know what he says will feel like opening wounds that have barely healed. But he would do anything for me and so he explains some of my deepest traumas.

"Nina escaped. We still aren't sure how long she ran through those woods for. By the time the police found the cabin she was kept at, it was nothing but ash in the middle of absolute nowhere."

Monster. Mr. M.

"Breathe, sweetie." Mom's reminder to continue living inflates my lungs.

"When she came to the hospital..." Dad clears his throat. "Nina wasn't in a mental state to come home. The doctors were worried about..."

He can't say it. "Suicide," I blurt harshly and squeeze my eyes shut. Tears tickle my cheeks.Why are they still here?

The pained grunts that go around the room make me want to run away from the conversation. Before anyone can ask what I'm sure they're dying to know, I uncurl from my blanket and quicklywalk around the couch, away from the rising tension. My breaths are labored as I climb the stairs.

"She was in the psych facility for a year before they deemed her safe to come home." My mom's broken voice digs the hole and my dad's words nail the coffin. "We're still scared."

I hear nothing else as I close the door to my bedroom. I flip the lock, not caring what happens downstairs any longer. All this time and nothing I've done has made my parents happy. It's a good thing I moved out.

If I'm alone, there's nobody to disappoint.

Chapter 16

Trevor

Suicide.Suicide. That's what Nina said. That’s what her doctors were worried about. What her parents arestillterrified of. Would she do it? End her life?

There's still so much I don't know and it's eating me alive.How the hell am I supposed to be there for her if I have no clue what she needs?Has she eaten breakfast?It was way past dinnertime when she ran from us, and the pizza hadn't been touched.

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