Page 5 of Beyond Repair: Part One

Frustrated, I toss the controller down on the cushion beside me and scrub my hands down my face. "I can't help it," I grumble and tug the portrait out of his hands. He's reluctant to let it go,let her go, but he relents and studies the charcoal lines I drew over my shoulder.

Kai clears his throat subtly, but not enough to hide the emotion that's clogging his words. "That's one of your best."

I nod, but we both know I'll never be able to recreate the sheer beauty that was our Nina. "I can't stop picturing her, Kai. No matter how many times I put her on paper, she doesn't go away. She's haunting me."

As I whisper my sorrows, I take in Nina's beach waves and her glorious eyebrows. Nothing I draw does her justice. The placement of her spattering of freckles will never be accurate, nor will her smile shine on the page like it did in real life.

I don't add color to these portraits, knowing I won't get her brown hair right or capture the full depth in Nina's grey-blue eyes.

"Nina'snothaunting you, Ridge. She wouldn't do that even if she were?—"

Dead, Kai was going to say. It's been almost five years. If she is alive, it breaks my heart to worry if death would be a mercy for my sweet girl.

Nina was full of spice and fire, always running around and wild. Everybody wanted to be her friend, and she made it so.Her kindness knew no bounds unless you put a mitt or bat in her hands. That girl was competitive as fuck with any sport or game. Softball, though? That made her competitiveness take on a whole other level.

"God, she used to whoop our asses on the field."

Kai snorts and leans back. "Yeah she did. Scared the shit out of me every time she asked to play a game."

My right hip tingles as we talk about Nina with a baseball bat. One of the first times we ever played a game, she hit a line drive straight into my fucking hip bone. I fell in love right then and there.

"But lord help you if you said no," I add, smiling softly at my girl. It kills me that she's been reduced to memories.

"You know I can't say no for shit." Kai huffs and I finally take a good look at him. His beard is trimmed short, but it's longer than scruff these days. An easy, wistful smile tilts his lips. "You shoulda heard the damn coffee order I had to ask the poor barista to make Henry this morning. I was so embarrassed."

I laugh loudly this time. "You're wrapped around his finger."

"Always have been," Kai agrees with a smirk.

"Always will be!" Henry hoots, appearing out of nowhere and snuggling into Kai's side. "What's up? Oh."

And just like that, Henry's spurt of energy dissolves when he sees my sketchbook on my lap. Sighing, I place it on the coffee table in front of us. Fucking hell, I hate when Henry retreats. Where I turn into a broody asshole, Henry gets sad and quiet. It sets all of us on edge. He's our sensitive soul, and I just ruined his mood for the foreseeable future.

Kai drops a kiss on his partner's unruly black curls. "Just reminiscing," Kai explains, but we've already lost Henry to his thoughts.

Trevor glides into the room, brows furrowed, immediately picking up on the melancholy vibes. My cousin's permascowlsoftens when he sees my latest sketch. His wide shoulders slump, making my stomach cramp with guilt.Maybe I should start hiding my shit.

"Can I have that one?" Trev murmurs, dropping into one of our recliners.

"Of course." Sometimes they ask to keep them, Trevor more than Henry and Kai. We lapse into silence and instead of breaking it, I toss my cousin a controller, then start up another game of Zombies.

We miss you, Nina.

Chapter 4

Nina

My bedroom is decorated in soft purples and grays. I love my bedspread the most with its swirly flowers and heavy feel.

Four boxes of clothes surround me on the floor, and I know I need to figure out what else I'm going to pack, but that's the problem. What am I supposed to bring?

This has always been my childhood bedroom and I have never once changed it. I remember coming home for the first time since I was sixteen after...well, everything horrible, and being shocked to see my parents hadn't changed a thing.

It's been my safe space ever since. If I'm being honest with myself, it's becoming harder to live here. As upset as I am about my parents encouraging—forcing—me to move out—move on—there's a sense of relief in it.

I’m not sure how much longer I can be surrounded by all the pictures and memories of my childhood before I break down and try to reconnect with the old me. The younger, naïve, happy Nina used to lie on her back with her head hung over the side of the bed while chatting with her friends on the phone.

"Nina?"

---