Page 77 of Lunar's Ruined Alpha

That doesn’t mean I don’t try, though. I lean over him, snatching at the bond as it tangles and frays. Pain lances through me, pain that Ishare with him not only as his Mate, but because losing him will cause me just as much agony as it did the first time.

I’m certain, actually, that it will hurt even worse the second time around.

When I was younger, being rejected by Rowan was a simple, petty pain. It was an agony that I carried with me like a shroud, one born from shame and regret and an incurable feeling that I was worthy of rejection purely because I was worthless overall.

Now, the fresh pain is so much worse. It gnaws at me, stinging and burrowing deep because this time, the tear in the bond isn’t voluntary. It doesn’t matter if we love each other. It doesn’t matter if we’ve chosen each other now. We are quite literally being ripped apart.

Because Rowan is dying.

“Stay with me,” I beg. “Please just stay. I love you. I love you. Don’t leave me.”

His wolf eyes flutter open. They’re glassy and unfocused, but still the same fierce blue that I’ll know even long after I’ve left this plane of existence. I would know him in death, and I would know him in the afterlife. I would know Rowan even if I lived a thousand more lives after this one. There is a tether between us that will always seek to be drawn tight, no matter how far apart we are.

Those burning eyes find mine, and his body shifts beneath my hands. The fur fades, limbs reshaping, bones breaking and fusing. He lets out a begrudging sob through gritted teeth, curling in on himself at the pain of forcing himself out of his wolf form.

And then he’s here, human again. Bleeding out in my arms.

“Lina…” he chokes out, voice barely audible.

“Don’t talk,” I cry, cupping his face. My fingertips are covered in blood. I don’t even know if it’s his or mine or someone else’s anymore. “Save your strength, okay? I’m going to help you.”

But he shakes his head. It’s little more than a trembling flinch, and his eyes are becoming more unfocused by the second, but I understand what he’s trying to communicate. “I have to tell you…”

“No, you don’t.” I press my forehead to his. “You don’t have to tell me anything right now, my love. Because you’re going to be okay, and you can tell me when you’re all better. We’re going to take you home.You and me and Noah are going home, with the Greenbriars You’re going to be fine—”

“I was so afraid,” he says, every word a death rattle that feels like a sheet of icy cold rain pouring over me. “Of how much I love you. But I do…love you…”

I grow still. My throat closes up. Those aren’t the words of a man who knows he’s going to be all right. That’s the sort of thing you say when you know, deep down in the marrow of your bones, that you don’t have much time left.

And he’s crying.

I’ve never seen Rowan cry.

I know it’s not from pain, either. It’s too soft and gentle, the way those tears spill from the corners of his eyes as he does his best to remain lucid enough to hold my gaze.

“Rowan…”

“Listen. Please.”

I drape my body over him, clinging on to the Mating bond for dear life. In the back of my mind, I’m only somewhat aware of the battle dying down. Of the fact that the shack is nothing more than a set of crumbling walls that Greenbriar wolves are now pulling apart to reach us in the aftermath of two Alphas facing off. I know that there are people shouting. I think someone might be calling my name, calling Rowan’s name.

I ignore all of it, pouring my energy into holding our bond close. I allow all of my love for him to flow into it, feeding the fading glow with all the words that I haven’t yet had the chance to say, all the emotions I haven’t yet gotten the opportunity to share. The future I never let myself dream of gushes through the bond like fresh blood to a dying patient.

We could be so happy, if only he could live through this. I can picture it now, even with both of us bloodied and battered. A formal Mating ceremony, or a backyard wedding. A home for the three of us. A chance to start over.

“You didn’t ruin me,” he whispers. “I ruined myself…because I loved you so much it made me a coward. I pushed you away. I pushed everyone away. I hurt you, hurt myself. I lied…I… betrayed…I told myself it was prophecy, fate, whatever I needed to say to justify it. ”

Tears slip down my cheeks, falling onto his chest. “Rowan…”

“But it was never you.” His hand reaches for mine, weak and trembling. “You were never my ruination. Not truly. Not even now, as I lay here having taken a bullet for you. I would do it a million times over, Alina. You’re the only thing that’s ever made me want to be…alive…”

I let out a sob so sharp it scrapes my lungs. I don’t care that we’re on a battlefield. I don’t even care that Samson Blackburn is finally dead or that I’ve finally avenged my family. None of it means anything if I lose him.

“You can’t say goodbye,” I whisper. “Don’t you dare. You don’t get to bleed out in my arms after saying something like that. You have to fight. Do you hear me, Rowan Greenbriar?”

He tries to smile, and it’s the most broken yet beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“I’m so tired, Alina.”

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