If I don’t belong down there, and I don’t fit in up here, then I’m somewhere in between. Floating alone in space. If I’m being honest with myself, I was there before I got on this ship. When my dad didn’t come back, I isolated myself until I didn’t think there was another human in the galaxy I could rely on. I took myself out of the world long before I left Earth.
God, I’m an insensitive asshole. Reve’s working on this ship, while I’m experiencing the first-class lifestyle. And Asha. She treated me like her friend from the first moment we met. I shouldn’t have snapped at her. I’ve never had a friend so enthusiastically stick by me. Even Skye. She accepted me without question. And the way she looked after the engagement announcement. She didn’t want to hurt me. She’s on a track. Same as me. The course of her life is planned by her circumstances instead of her own choices.
If I push everyone away, I’ll end up alone. No matter which planet I’m on.
A question mark blinks on ILSA’s face screen.
“Yes, ILSA?”
The question mark blinks faster.
“Exit silent mode.”
“I liked him better before I was aware of his biological readings.”
“I thought you had a question.”
“More of an observation.” Her face goes blank. “Weslie, you are showing signs of distress. Perhaps you should limit my settings to identifying emergencies. All your emotional signals are exhausting.”
“ILSA, you’re a computer. You can’t get tired.”
She flashes a low battery warning on her face screen.
Over where her heart would be if she were human, her battery gauge glows like a badge. It’s entirely green. “You’re fully charged.”
Jupiter rounds the corner, stopping mid-stride, right before we collide. His chest rises and falls.
“Do I need to notify both of you of your irregular heart rates or can we all assume by now?” ILSA asks.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he opens his mouth to speak.
I drop my chin and rush past him. I wish I could shut downmyemotional readings.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Weslie
Six days to Mars
We weave through the agriculture bay with our classmates, single file, between walls of leafy greens. Ahead of me, Asha’s pink hair is so brilliant in the room’s artificial sunlight that she could be a rescue beacon. I hoped she would forget my bad mood. Let me off the hook for snapping at her. But she’s been quiet since I sat next to her in class. Not silent. But her sentences have capped out at a ten-word max.
“What’s this drama everyone’s talking about from dinner last night? Something about Ms. Lovell’s girlfriend making a scene in front of her husband on the grand staircase?” If I can get her talking, maybe she’ll get over it.
She pauses, then shrugs and keeps walking.
Oh, this is serious.
At the end of the row, the room opens to a series of pools connected by elaborate tubing to walls covered in plant growth. I imagined there’d be troughs of dirt, but there doesn’t seem to be an ounce of earth anywhere on board. I pull my sweater up over my nose to get a break from the briny, fishy smell in the air.
Meridian splashes Hale with water from one of the pools.
“Everyone, please be careful not to touch anything. The artificial ecosystem is fragile!” a short woman cries out like it’s a matter of life or death. Her heavy accent is too muddled from her years in Elysium for me to place. She runs out of the crowd ahead of us, waving her hands at Meridian and pulling a tight, thin netting over the water, scanning the rest of the potential threats around her pools.
“Please respect this space. We are guests here and this is a very real and vital part of our survival in space.” Calypso puts a hand over their heart, lowering their voice to speak directly to the distressed little woman.
The woman’s shoulders visibly loosen as her bowed lips form a tight almost-smile.
“Would you stop being mad at me if I told you about what happened after I left dinner the other night?” I nudge Asha with my shoulder.