Page 105 of The Nightblood Prince

“If you had died, then none of this would have happened,” Caikun snapped. “Yexue wouldn’t be waging this war, and my father would still be alive. All of this fighting is because of you! Because everyone wants the empress of all empresses. Everyone thinks that by having you, they will rule the continent.”

Then Caikun did something I did not expect. He drew his dagger and pinned me to the wall. The force of it made the carriage rattle.

“Are you okay?” Luyao asked from outside.

“I am fine!” I croaked, even as Caikun pressed the tip of his blade against my throat, drawing blood.

How long had he been wanting to say this? And how many others blamed me?

“I’m sorry” was all I could say. “But killing me won’t make Yexue spare Siwang. We have to go back, Caikun. We have to stop this battle from happening.”

Caikun sheathed his dagger as quickly as he had drawn it.

Then he reached into his robe and handed me a folded piece of paper. “Siwang said he wanted me to give you this, in case he doesn’t get to say it to you in person.”

I took the letter from him but didn’t read it. Nothing he could say would make me not hate him. “We need to go back, Caikun. You know loss, and you know death. This war isn’t worth it. We have to convince Siwang to sign that treaty and end this once and for all.”

“But Lan Yexue needs to pay for his crimes. He is a killer. He has killed thousands of Rong’s soldiers. He killed my…”

“I know you are in mourning, but hating someone is not enough reason to send thousands of men to their deaths,” I said. “Think of what your father would want you to do.”

Caikun finally looked at me—really looked at me. “My father would want to fight the Lans. But he wouldn’t want to watch Siwang die.”

I swallowed. “?????,?????.As long as we have the rolling green mountains, we don’t have to worry about not having firewood to burn.As long as Rong is still an empire and we are all alive, wecan avenge those we have lost and fight Lan another day. But not right now. We are not strong enough to win this fight.”

“??????????…,” Caikun echoed. He looked at me in silence for a moment. “If I defy Siwang’s orders, it will be treason.”

“If you save his life, and the life of every man in the Third Army, you will be a hero,” I countered.

A deep breath, then: “Turn the carriage around!”

“There is no time.” I tilted the sheepskin back and took several large gulps of water, then climbed out of the carriage. “Untie the horses, Luyao. We need to ride on horseback!”

When I jumped out of the carriage I realized Luyao and Da’sha were the ones behind the horses. Though I was the one giving the order, they both looked at Caikun, who climbed out of the carriage after me.

“Do as Little Li says,” Caikun said.

I counted the horses. Four horses for four riders. “I hope you have spare weapons, because we are going to need them.”

Caikun smiled and reached under the carriage to present me with my silver-tipped bow. “Of course we came prepared—Siwang wasn’t going to send you into these war-torn lands without protection.”

As Luyao and Da’sha untied the horses, I read the letter from Siwang.

Fei,

When you left the capital, you promised that you would write to me, and you never did. So I guess that as always, I will have to make the first move.

When you read this, I hope you will be far from the front lines, and I hope I will be alive and victorious. But in case I am not, I am sorry we did not get more time, and I am sorry that I can’t say this to you in person.

A year ago, you said the way to win your heart was by giving you a choice, by letting you choose me so that we could be equals. When the stars brought you back to me, I thought you had chosen me, and this was all that I had ever wanted. To be chosen by you. To be loved by you. It was never about the throne or the prophecy. It was always aboutyou.My Fei. My beloved. You are destined for greatness; the stars have said so themselves. So to be worthy of you, I must be great, too. This is why I worked so hard. From scholarly scrolls to martial arts, I practiced and practiced so that I could be worthy of you.

I thought that as long as I tried my best, it would be enough. I thought if I loved you, and you loved me, the gods would protect us. But you are the fallen goddess promised by the stars, destined to be the empress of all empresses. And the only man who would ever be worthy of you is the most powerful man to walk this continent. This is why I cannot surrender to Yexue, why I must fight.

For you. My beloved, everything I do, I do it for you. I hope one day you will understand. I hope one day I get to explain all of this to you, in person, in the flesh. If not, then I will wait for you in the afterlife.

—And I’m sorry I took your choice by sending you away.

I would die for you, but I cannot let you die for me.

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