Page 171 of Let You Love Me

I’m pulling the blankets up to Sophie’s chest and giving her a kiss goodnight when she yawns and asks, “Can we see Teagan tomorrow?”

I freeze, my heart lurching at the sound of his name. I’ve yet to address Teagan with Sophie, mostly because I’d been hopinghe’d at least saysomething, but he hasn’t and now that she’s asked, I have no idea how to respond.

Unprepared, I swallow over the lump in my throat as my mind races.

This is the exact scenario I’d hoped to prevent by avoiding a relationship. Over the course of the last two months, Sophie’s grown every bit as attached to Teagan as I have, and it absolutely kills me that she’s going to feel the same heartbreak I feel now when she finds out we’re no longer seeing each other. Knowing I’m mostly to blame only makes it worse, second to the fact I can’t shield her from this even if I wanted to.

I inhale through my nose, staring down at her cherubic face. “Um, I don’t know, baby.”

“What about Friday? Can he come to the lake house with us?”

I brush some errant curls off her forehead, and my throat bobs. “Well, remember when I told you he got hurt in the game Saturday?”

She nods.

“He’s probably going to need a lot of rest, so I’m not sure he’ll be going anywhere for a while.”

Her eyes brighten. “He doesn’t have to do anything. He could sit with me and we could read.”

“Oh, yeah. Maybe.” I try for a smile, but it falls flat.

“Maybe means probably not.” She pouts.

Smart girl.

“Well, it’s just that . . . there’s another reason,” I say, and my stomach clenches. “See, Teagan’s kind of upset with Mommy about something right now, and I’m not sure he wants to see me just yet.”

“Why?” Her eyes widen. “Did you do something to him?”

Tears clog the back of my throat, stinging my eyes. “Kinda, yeah.”

“What? Mom, what did you do?”

I didn’t want to get into all of this with her, at least not now. When no one knew the truth, I figured I’d keep the secret forever, but now that it’s out, I’m not sure what’s right anymore. I know there will come a time when Sophie asks about her father, probably sooner rather than later, and I’ll have to address it somehow. But it’s one thing for my parents to know who Sophie’s father is, and it’s quite another to tell a four-year-old, who’s incapable of managing her emotions. Telling her isn’t a decision I can make on the fly. I need to think about it, mull it over with my parents, since I no longer have to struggle through this alone.

“It’s complicated,” I say. “Grown-up stuff.”

She seems to digest this, a furrow between her brow as she says, “Just say you’re sorry. Then he can come over and play with me.”

I exhale. “Oh, baby, I wish it were that simple, I really do.”

“Does this mean he’s not your boyfriend anymore?”

I swallow over the ache in my chest. “I’m not sure.”

She starts to ask another question, but my heart can’t take it, so I reach out and place a finger on her lips. “Just get some sleep, okay? We need to give Teagan time to heal right now.” Both physically and emotionally. “And I promise I’m going to do everything in my power to make things right.”

Even if it’s too late and he won’t give me another chance, I need him to know how much he means to me. I need him to know I’m sorry and why I lied.

“Promise?” she asks, lifting her pinky finger for a pinky promise.

“Promise.” We link fingers before I kiss her goodnight, then hurry out the door, closing it behind me before I lean onto the cold, hard frame.

I press my eyes closed, and the pain sweeping through me threatens to take me out at the knees. A sob catches in the back of my throat, but I hold it in.

Squeezing my lips together, I cover my mouth with my hand, pressing it against my lips as I wrestle for control. Each breath feels like razor blades in my throat. Every beat of my heart a metronome counting the seconds that slip by and Teagan and I are apart.

I gasp, chest tightening with the effort of holding myself together.

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