Page 172 of Let You Love Me

I can’t breathe. Can’t move.

My hands turn clammy, my forehead beaded with sweat as my legs buckle out from under me, feet numb as I slide to the floor.

I’m having a panic attack; I know this, but it feels like I’m dying all the same.

I bend my knees and drop my head against them as I try and focus on something positive, but it’s hard when my life has been turned on its ear and the one person I want the most in this moment, the only one who could draw me out of this, is the one person I can’t have.

I breathe in through my nose, out through my mouth until the pain in my chest lessens, until my head stops spinning and the feeling returns to my feet.

With shaking hands, I pull out my phone and find Gabby in my contacts, then type out a text:Gabs, I need you. I’m at home.

Then I hit send and wait for her to come.

Twenty minutes later, I’m standing in my bedroom when Gabby pulls me into a hug. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything important,” I say with a sniff.

“Are you kidding?” Gabby pulls back, taking a good look at me as she says, “Lane Tuner needs no one, so when you get a text from her saying otherwise, you don’t walk, you run.”

Right. My shoulders curl and I let out a shaky breath as I drop down onto my bed.

“Now, tell me what’s wrong.” Gabby walks over to my desk and pulls out the chair so she’s sitting directly in front of me. “Spill.”

“My parents know,” I blurt.

Frowning, she starts, “Your parents—oh!” Understanding ripples through her features and her gaze softens. “They know about Chance.”

I glance down at my hands and nod.

“Does this have anything to do with the rumors I heard about your father taking a leave of absence for the remainder of the season?”

“Yeah,” I croak. “Oh God, Gabs, everything is a mess. Teagan knows, too, and now he’s hurt because of me. It all came out right before their game, so he was distracted on the field. He won’t speak to me, and I don’t blame him. Just weeks ago, he asked me if Chance and I had ever dated and I said no. Then he asked me about Sophie’s father, and I refused to tell him anything, angry he was even asking.”

I take a deep breath, ignoring the churning in my stomach as I remember Sophie’s sweet face as I tucked her into bed. “Sophie misses him already and is starting to ask about him. My father met with Chance in what I assume was an extremely tense and unpleasant confrontation. He’s no longer allowed in our house, not that I care about that. It’s a relief, actually, not to have to see him anymore. My father doesn’t even want anyone speaking his name, and effective as of yesterday, he’s taken a leave of absence from coaching until next season.”

My secret did everything I feared it would; it blew up and took everyone with it.

“This is the part where you sayI told you so,” I quip.

“Like I would ever do that.” Gabby sighs, staring at the wall in a way that only inflates the hopelessness living inside my chest.

“I fucked up. Everything is broken and it’s all my fault, and I don’t know how to fix it all.”

“Maybe you can’t.”

My eyes lock with hers. “But Ihaveto.”

“Lane,” Gabby says as she reaches out and squeezes my shoulder, “there are some things that can’t be fixed once broken, but they heal over time. Your parents love you. They’re just shocked and hurt. But they’ll get over it. In a few years, it’ll seem like just a blip in the radar.”

“And Teagan?” I ask, fear coating my words.

The sadness in her eyes speaks volumes as she shakes her head. “I don’t know. But what I do know is you can’t beat yourself up over this. What’s done is done. It’s out there now, and there’s a certain kind of freedom in telling the truth. Embrace it. Learn from this and move on. It’s all you can do. And if Teagan doesn’t want you afterward, well . . .” Gabby trails off, her words leaving scales on my heart.

“But it can’t be over,” I whisper.

Exhaling, Gabby reaches out and grabs my hand. “Listen to me, Lane. I watched you beat yourself up over getting pregnant. Part of me thinks you’ve punished yourself ever since. You made one mistake, Lane.One. You think you’re the only person who had sex a little too young? You think you’re the only person who regretted it after? Who should have waited and wished she had?” Gabby shakes her head. “Hell, Lane, if I counted every person I know that matched that description, I wouldn’t have enough hands or fingers. The only difference isyou got pregnant, and those other people didn’t. But they could have. Every single one of those people who match that description could’ve easily been in your shoes, myself included. It doesn’t make any of thembetter than you. You’re not less than them because the fucking condom broke.”

My cheeks heat, and I glance away from her. The urge to rebut everything she just said runs so deep I have to press my mouth closed to keep from arguing.

“But guess what? You took responsibility. You did right by yourself, by Sophie. Hell, ever since then, you’ve spent the last four years trying to prove yourself like you’re on some kind of redemption mission. I’ve watched you run yourself fucking ragged to ensure you’re not a burden on those you love because of the weight of your choices. I’ve watched you refuse to let your mom watch Sophie or even let me to take her for a day, just because weshouldn’t have to,or you don’t want to be aninconvenience. The only problem with this line of thinking, the one thing you seem to ignore, is that we fuckingwantSophie.”

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