Page 59 of Love at Second Down

“I was surprised you chose Harvard. I figured if you wanted to get away from me, you would’ve gone somewhere warmer.”

His words are like a knife, slicing through flesh and bone. “Damon,” I breathe, “I wasn’t trying to get away from you. I . . .” I trail off, knowing I can’t tell him, not yet. Not until I’m sure he’s ready. “I didn’t have a choice in the matter,” I say, instead. “My parents wanted me to go to Harvard.”

Damon nods, and I notice the way his grip tightens on the steering wheel. “And how did you convince them to let you transfer?”

“I didn’t,” I say. “I did it without their knowledge or approval, and certainly without their support. They only found out recently, but I can tell you, they’re not happy.”

He huffs out a laugh as he comes to a stop at a red light, turning to look at me. “Avery Astor going against her parents’ wishes?” He arches a brow. “Maybe some things do change.”

The light turns green, and he continues toward campus. We don’t talk for the next few blocks, but it’s not for lack of wanting to. There are a million things I need to say, but I don’t know where to start. And I don’t know if he’ll even listen.

Words hang between us, unspoken as the miles pass, and when he finally slows to a stop in front of the dormitories, I’m both surprised and disappointed that the ride is over so fast.

He shifts the car into park, but I don’t make any move to get out and he doesn’t ask me to. Taking this as a good sign, I tuck my legs beneath me, turning to face him. “I’m sorry about tonight.”

“Which part?” he asks, still staring ahead.

“Ruining your date.”

“It was never a real date, though, was it?” he asks, finally turning to face me.

“No. But I’m sorry if you wanted it to be. If you feel something for Liz, or anyone else for that matter, I hope you know I wouldn’t stand in your way. At the end of the day, all I want is for you to be happy.”

“Is that why you came here and turned my world upside down? Because you want me to be happy?” he asks, disbelief coloring his tone.

“Are you happy?” I ask, dodging the question.

He shrugs. “Sometimes. In the moment, when I’m on the football field with my friends, yes.”

“And the rest of the time?”

He laughs, but the sound is brittle, prone to breaking. “There is nothing else. I go to practice and class, then home. I go to games and work my ass off, praying it’s enough. Occasionally, I hang out with the guys, which is just another way to pass thetime in between my time on the field, but there’s no real joy in it. There’s not much joy in anything these days. And if you must know, I don’t really want to date again. The guys just thought it would help me move on, but I think it’s all bullshit. Part of me thinks I’m just broken. Maybe I always will be.”

“Damon, you’re not broken.” His words tear my insides to shreds, like a wood chipper to my heart. “And if you are, then I am, too.”

His throat works, his knuckles white on the steering wheel. “How would you know?”

“I know becauseIbroke us, and that’s not the same thing as you being broken.”

“Feels the same.” He shifts, releasing his grip on the steering wheel to run his hands through his hair with a growl.

“It’s not. Trust me.”

“Trust you, huh?” A bitter laugh rumbles from his chest as he glances down at the steering wheel. “At one time I did trust you, more than anything.”

His words hit their mark, and I fight the urge to visibly wince. “I know, and you have no idea how badly I wish I could take it all back, wipe away the last two and a half years, and start over. Because I swear, I would do everything differently.”

His jaw ticks. “That makes two of us.”

My heart aches with the weight of all the things I want to say, but I choke on the words, afraid of what might tumble out if I let them loose. The urge to tell him the truth nags at me like a splinter buried deep beneath my skin—small but relentless, impossible to ignore, and growing more painful the longer I leave it untouched.

Telling him the truth now, before I’m sure he’s ready and willing to forgive me, is a risk. It could hurt the ones I love?destroy lives?all while closing the door on us forever and erasing any chance he’ll ever forgive me.

He looks at me in the silence, waiting, and I know it’s now or never. Sometimes love means risking everything. And if I ever want another chance with Damon, I need to stop wasting time and prove to him he can trust me again by opening up, by telling him my secrets.

Even if it means giving him the power to destroy me and my family.

Chapter 18

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