Page 40 of My Big Fat Italian Break-Up

Paul lifted his hands and sighed. ‘It’s too late now. No point in fighting. The damage is done. But you have to tell Julian.’

‘Why? I thought you were my partner in crime.’

‘I am. But only against the bad guys. Julian is a saint.’

‘Please don’t say religious words,’ I groaned.

Paul made a face. ‘Well, he is, to put up with you.’

‘Why have you turned on me so suddenly?’

Paul giggled. ‘Because, my dear, you are the work of the devil.’

‘Paul!’

‘You have to tell him.’

I knew he was right. So I braced myself for what I knew would be – and this is the only expression that suits the situation – hisbiblical wrath.

*

‘You didwhat?’ Julian boomed.

‘I know, I know,’ I moaned, burying my head in my hands as Paul skulked away. Judas.

Julian paced the kitchen floor, his hands in his hair. ‘Erica’—he never called me Erica unless I really put my foot in it—‘do you realize what you’ve done? This is a criminal offence! Trespassing and damaging someone else’s property?’

Was that how he saw it? Damaging someone else’s property? I’d do much worse to anyone trying to harm our well-being. What was the matter with him? Didn’t he care about the business anymore? I crossed my arms and gave him one of my special hairy eyeballs.

‘First of all, I wasn’t trespassing – we booked a room. Second, I didn’t damage the property – I actually gave it a one-way ticket to being canonized. Before you know it, they’ll be known as Tasting Tuscan Miracles!’

But he stared at me, opening and closing his mouth like he was going to have a stroke.

‘I swear I don’t recognize you anymore, Erica! You’ve changed, and not in a good way. Whatever happened to the kick-ass hotel manager who had it all together?’

I eyed him sulkily. Good question. What had happened to me? Back in Boston, I ran the place like a dream – the whole shebang. And now I couldn’t keep a small B & B booked for three consecutive months?

In the past, the Cascianis would have been nothing but a tiny blip in such a big scheme, but here and now, we were talking about our livelihood. I needed not to be a failure. Because next to Julian, who was a major celebrity all over again, what was I, besides a mother? I’d left an amazing career behind and I wasn’t about to be ruined by two mean crooks who called themselves hoteliers.

And the injustice of it all. Living out here sometimes seemed like trying to survive in the Wild West, where just about everything goes. Here, I felt that there were no rules, no laws. So I’d created my own justice system. Yes, I’d acted the fool. I understood that now. But I had my reasons. Which Julian should have supported. But he just shook his head, studying me, and I felt the weight of his judgment. Never had he been this angry at me before. Never had I felt so misunderstood by him.

‘What am I going to do with you?’ he asked quietly as I sat there, like one of his former students in his principal’s office as he gave me an almighty masterpiece of a lesson.

Julian never yelled, never got angry. But he sure had a way of making me feel awful. Unworthy. I wasn’t so sure that this was better than being yelled at. I might have respected the yelling more, but this? This was destabilizing and did absolutely nothing for our relationship.

‘Why can’t you play fair and square?’ he insisted.

‘Because this isn’t a sport, Julian,’ I suddenly flung at him. ‘This is business, and there are no umpires to put you back in your place and protect the other team’s rights.’

‘Erica, this has to stop. Your obsession about the lack of guests in the B & B is taking over your life. Didn’t you want to be a stay-at-home mom for them?’

A stay-at-home mom, sure, but with an income. I wasn’t depending on any man, ever again. Memories flooded back of how Ira had chastised me for my working hours (the only thing that had kept food on our table), of leaving him to take care of the kids rather than bugger off to his lover’s place. A place that he’d bought with money stolen from my account, leaving my Tuscan dream in shreds. And all the tears I’d shed, humiliated by his physical repulsion for me. It was a situation I’d barely escaped with my sanity intact.

No. I couldn’t go back to living a life that I couldn’t control. If our competition was dishonest and bent on ruining us, food coloring in their swimming pool was the least I’d do to get the business up and running again. Because Julian just didn’t understand. Adopted at birth by a rich couple, Julian had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a natural talent for sports. With his looks and money, he’d never had to fight for anything, be it opportunities or love.

Everything seemed to come so easy to him, while I’d had to fight for everything my whole life – my mother’s approval, my job at the hotel and even to keep my first marriage afloat. That alone was a war, where I had to fight a gazillion battles a day, not knowing if I’d even make it to the next without capitulating. And apparently now, even though I thought I finally had it all, I still wasn’t done. It hurt to be seen by him as the flailing woman. I used to be successful when he met me. And that was how I want him to continue seeing me. But at the moment, I wasn’t successful. If anything, this was a fight to the end. Something Julian needed to understand if we were going to be together.

‘This is part of my life, Julian. My new life. I failed the first one. If I fail this time, too…’ I bit my lower lip, my eyes burning from unshed tears of frustration.

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