Page 11 of Storm in a D Cup

Oh, Dear God, kill me now, please?‘I’ve… got to go the bathroom again,’ I said, sliding off the bed.And possibly smash my head against the mirror a few times.What planet did my adorable husband live on? I could already picture myself expanding until I resembled the hot air balloon Julian had bought me a ride in upon our arrival in idyllic Tuscany. He’d made all my dreams come true. Was it now time to pay the happiness bill and return the favor?

*

‘How was having Andrea so late in your marriage?’ I blurted out to Renata as we were lunching under my pergola the next day.

She snorted. ‘Why, are you thinking of having another kid?’

When I didn’t answer she almost choked on her fishcacciuccostew. I whacked her on the back.

‘Why didn’t you tell me you and Julian were having problems?’ she wheezed before gulping down a glass of San Pellegrino water.

I stopped in mid-bite. ‘What? What are you talking about?’

Renata cleared her throat and stared back at me, her eyes watering.

‘Here, a baby at this age is usually a fixer-upper. So what’s going on?’

I shrugged, inwardly panicking at the news. Was that why Julian wanted a baby? To fix a problem I wasn’t evenawareof? Impossible. I’d know if there was a problem. Right?

‘Nothing’s going on. Just… Julian wants one.’

‘Oyoy,’ Renata sighed. The typical Tuscan,something is wrongsigh. ‘Not good.’

‘Shut up,’ I said, cutting away furiously at mycarpaccioand rocket lettuce. ‘Julian and I are fine.’

‘Are you sure?’ she insisted, not taking her eyes off me.

I rolled my eyes. ‘Of course I’m sure.’

‘Hmmm, I don’t know. That’s pretty sudden, isn’t it? Why don’t you ask him?’

‘Ask him why he wants a kid? It’s obvious.’

‘He could’ve had one all this time. Why now?’

My sentiments exactly. ‘Because we’re finally settled? We’ve had a rough start,’ I reminded her. The second year we were here, we hadquasizero guests, and it would have been none at all if it hadn’t been for my Matera Brainstormers, a group of international writers who booked a week with us every summer. And with my panicking and wacky plans, I’d almost lost him. Perhaps he thought that now, everything else being on an even keel, it was time for another baby. He had the right to want one of his own blood, of course. I knew and understood that. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through that entire ordeal all over again.

‘True, you are all nice and settled now. Maybe Julian’s looking at the fact that Warren’s already flown the nest, and that in two years’ time so will Maddy. Maybe it’s his way of keeping things interesting at home.’

I crossed my arms in front of my chest. ‘Thanks for that.’

Renata laughed. ‘I didn’t mean it that way, Erica. All I meant is that when a man wants a baby so late, there’s usually a good reason. But it’s up to you to discover what that reason is.’

‘And there was me thinking that with all my financial problems solved, that it would be smooth sailing from now on.’

‘Ha,’ Renata shot back. ‘There is never smooth sailing when you’re married.’

*

‘Good thing you live far away in that little peaceful bubble of yours,’ Judy said to me the next evening as I sat on the floor next to the bureau, knees drawn up under my chin. One more pound and I wouldn’t be able to sit like that anymore. I know that for a fact because once I’d pigged out at a restaurant and suddenly my stomach was in the way. It had taken me three months of practically fasting before I returned from The Point of No Return. Boy, had that been close. Not that it wasn’t in the way now, but I could still keep it at bay by squishing my thighs up against it and wrapping my arms around my knees real tight. Enough. I’m OK with being big, but not when my body starts to feel different.

‘Are you listening to me?’ Judy asked as she exhaled cigarette smoke, and I could almost see her sprawled on her king-sized bed. ‘It’s pure hell here. Marcy’s drinking like a sponge again and not talking to Dad, nor Sandra to Vince, nor Vince to Marcy. So I have to do messages for the important stuff. I can’t wait to see it all come to the fore when we get there…’

‘Thanks for that.’ I sigh, resigned.

What else was new? That was the Cantelli family for you, in all its dysfunctional Italian glory. Boy, was I glad I was on the other side of the ocean, at least for now. Hopefully by the time they got here it would all blow over.

‘So howisliving in paradise?’ my sister Judy asked. ‘You looked really good in those pictures you sent, by the way. I never got a chance to tell you that.’ For trim-slim Judy to tell me I looked good could only mean one of two things – either it was true (which it wasn’t) or she needed a favor.

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