Page 71 of Storm in a D Cup

We both sighed simultaneously, then chuckled.

‘What a pickle we’re both in,’ I said. ‘You in one way; me in another.’

‘Love is always a pickle, in one way or another, sweetheart. Love is always complicated. Until it ends. But if it ends, it was never love in the first place.’

‘So if Julian and I end, does that mean that it was all pretend?’

‘You and Julian will never end, honey,’ he reassured me.

I snorted. ‘That’s what Julian used to say.’

‘Then have some faith in him.’

I sighed again. Have faith in Julian, when he was avoiding me, pushing me away? Hard to do so, especially when we have never felt this distant ever before.

*

As the days dragged by, I worked on my novel and continued to answer the most serious Erica Can Tell U questions:

Q: Dear Erica,

My husband doesn’t want to have a baby because he says all my attention will go to it rather than to him. What can I do?

A: Buy your husband a pacifier and stick him in a playpen and post pictures of him on Facebook. That ought to do it. Let us know how you get on.

*

Q: Dear Erica,

My husband is really good-looking and when we go out, sometimes he walks ahead of me, like he doesn’t know me. I sometimes get the feeling he’s ashamed of me. What can I do?

A: Don’t go out with him.

*

Q: Dear Erica,

My husband complains my career has supplanted my family time and that he sees our housekeeper more than he sees me. As a matter of fact he’s bonking her. What should I do?

A: Hire a cleaning boy and bonk him.

Sometimes it was very difficult to know how to approach certain topics, but of one thing I was convinced. A good dose of humor always helped, at least for the minor issues. But other things simply couldn’t be helped.

*

No one was ever allowed behind Julian’s office door. We all knew that. Yet, there he was with Genie Stacie.

I could hear her high-pitched voice even if she was making an effort to talk furtively. ‘Jules… she can be perfectly happy with another man… you’ve always told me I’m the love of your life.’

I swallowed and almost grabbed the door to keep myself from swooning.What…?I didn’t knowthat!

Julian was silent, and I could feel him debating through the two-inch oak wood door. Oh God, had he really said that to her? Had she really been the love of his life? And most importantly, could it ever happen again? Certainly she wouldn’t even go there if she didn’t think she had a chance with him. And Julian? Was he going to leave me after all these years now that his lifetime love had reappeared like an H-bomb in our home?

That’s jealousy for you – instead of taking the high road and pulling away from his door, I stayed glued to it. I couldn’t help it, but I somehow seemed entranced more by the silences between their words rather than the spoken words I could barely grasp.

There came another sigh, almost a hushed moan and I buried my head in my hands. I dare anybody to stay calm and collected while listening to a woman throwing herself at your husband in your own home. Was Julian in Genie Stacie’s arms, letting her kiss his doubts away? I wanted to barge in on them and shriek a long-pent-up, ‘Aha! Iknewyou were up to no good!’ like in the old movies, but my stomach gave such a violent lurch I thought I’d be sick in the corridor. Which would not earn me any brownie points in case he was still debating, teetering over the brink betweenGenie-Stacie, love of my life since I can remember and… what’s her name again? Oh yeah – Erica, the neurotic, unstable and manic wife of seven years whom I constantly have to reassure and who, by the way, hasn’t given me a child yet.

No contest. No matter what Julian promised me.

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