Page 98 of Storm in a D Cup

He’dheardit from my lawyer regarding Julian’s request to adopt Maddy and Warren seven years ago. But all that didn’t matter anymore.

‘My dad just died. I’m going home for the funeral.’

We both turned at the sound of a shrill voice – a (would you believe it?) Genie Stacie look-alike.

He looked at her, his eyes wide with lust, then back to me.

The last thing I needed was to meet another one of Ira’s lovers. ‘That’s my flight,’ I said, pretending to listen to an overhead announcement. ‘Gotta go.’

He nodded, his eyes unfocused, as if he’d been drinking or taking crack. Or perhaps even both. His hair was all gone and his face was sallow and hollow, while a stomach the size of a hot air balloon hung over his belt.

His clothes were shabby and dirty and even his breath was a nightmare. I stepped back, catching a glimpse of rotting brown teeth.

‘Say hi to your parents for me,’ he said, just to fill the awkward void.

Say hi to my parents? As usual, he hadn’t listened to a word I’d said. What about his kids? Should I not say hi to them? You could bet I wouldn’t. Imagine, re-exhuming that nightmare for them.

And with that, he turned to face the blonde running to him. She wasn’t a day over twenty and certainly not interested in his looks. And then I remembered what Paul had once told me. Ira had become a famous target for hookers to sponge on. I swallowed back the bitter knot in my throat and without looking back, I ran for my gate, the babelic cacophony of the world around me just about to make my head explode.

*

‘Uhm, ma’am?’ came a soft voice at my elbow. I turned to look at the thin young man next to me, young enough to be my son, had I had one really young, or old enough to be my toy boy, had I had the strength, stamina and stupidity to believe I could get away with it.

‘Yes?’ I answered, wiping my eyes.

‘It can’t be that bad, ma’am. Only family and health are really that important, you know,’ he advised me, wiping out half the causes of world sadness. When had people become so empathetic all of a sudden? And moreover, what the hell did this guy know about me? I blew my nose and gave him my best smile to show him he didn’t need to worry about me.

*

As we touched down at Logan International, I had a strongdéjà vuof Julian, the kids and I flying out of Boston for a new life only seven years ago. Not a long time, really, until you stop and think of how many things can change in seven years. Warren had turned into a man, Maddy was struggling with womanhood, and oh – so was I, even if there were twenty-seven years between us. I convinced myself that I’d manage to navigate all the heartache. Any day now…

*

Paul came to pick me up at the airport along with Judy’s eldest son Tony who gave me the full details of how grandpa hadkeeled overafter yetanotherargument with Grandma Marcy. Last month it was her Visa bills, two months ago her cell-phone bill.

Paul glanced over at me. He was always there when I needed him. ‘You holding together, Sunshine?’ he whispered and I nodded although I was about to fall apart any minute. I couldn’t believe I was here, after all these years, in this traffic that seemed like a revved-up, out-of-control movie reel where nothing made sense. I had lived a whole lifetime in Italy in the meantime, but funnily, at the same time it was as if I’d never left. Paul was here; Tony was here. Soon I’d see my aunts Maria, Martina and Monica, my sister Judy, my brother Vince, his wife Sandra, Marcy and the rest of the bunch. Except for (I swallowed back the pain) myfather.

Dad had gone, all of a sudden, bringing me back to where my home had been, among my family members. I was catapulted years back, to when I was a kid and my Nonna Silvia had died. How lonely and bereft we had been. I thought about how my own kids would take the news, getting home to an empty house if not for Renata’s presence. Renata would make sure the kids would be OK.

And Julian. I missed him terribly. Right here in my chest there was a huge Julian-shaped hole that only he could fill. But what was the point of calling him right now, when he was full to the brim with his own problems? I didn’t want to burden him with mine. Besides, even if he was here, what could he say that would make me feel better? Certainly not any more of the platitudes that I simply couldn’t bear. I would call him after I got to the house, maybe. If I ever did, judging by the way Tony was going on and on about family crises.

‘…you know, Auntie Erica?’

‘Uh-huh.’ I leaned forward to the driver’s seat. ‘Paul, I love you but can you please slow down? My dad’s dead, he’s not going anywhere.’

Paul’s eyes widened and he searched my face.

Gone. Gone were two pillars of our family. My Nonna Silvia, and now Dad. He had been the glue holding our family together. And since he’d died nothing really mattered anymore.

‘Don’t cry,’ Tony said and as we pulled up in front of my parents’ house.

I began to panic. In a minute I would no longer be able to wake up from this nightmare. In a minute I would have proof that all this was true, and that I would never see my father smiling down at me tenderly ever again.

I can’t remember how I made my way through the front door. I barely remember the coffin, the teary faces of distant relatives I’d only seen two or three times in my life. All I remember is my aunts Maria, Martina and Monica embracing me, enveloping me with their familiar support, and somehow the panic subsided.

‘That’s our girl,’ Zia Maria soothed as Zia Martina nodded and Zia Monica dried her eyes. ‘Everything’s going to be all right.’

I nodded in return, straightened my back and took a deep breath. They had reminded me about my strength so that I could be strong for Marcy and my siblings.

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