Page 73 of Beach Bodies

‘Let’s do it,’ I say, and she leads the way.

She’s shorter than I am, but her pace is quick, her step bouncy. Full of life.

Not for much longer.

‘Want some of my morning wake-up blend?’ She lifts the thermos towards me without stopping her brisk walk, but I wave it away.

I could use a pick-me-up, and really wish I’d stopped for coffee, but my temptation to share Serena’s brew is short-lived. Who knows what toxic powders she’s mixed in.

‘So I was thinking we go for spontaneous,’ she says. ‘You talk, I record, and I can edit later.’

‘Sounds good.’

We walk in silence for a while, towards the jetty. The sand is damp with morning dew, and our sneakers leave clear footprints. The water is dull, but soon it will be spiked with light, and Serena will be dead.

‘Hey, are you going to that party? At Island Vibes?’ says Serena.

‘No. Are you?’

‘I’m thinking about it. I don’t know. A lot of people are going, but the place looks kind of… junky? On the other hand, half-priced drinks!’

I don’t answer. She doesn’t know it yet, but this is a decision she won’t have to make.

I’m not like the killers in books who give long speeches to their victims, who really want to make sure they know why they deserve to die. I couldn’t care less whether she knows or not. What matters is to do it quickly, and leave the scene even quicker.

I won’t return by way of the beach; I’d be seen. Instead, I’ll cut up the hill and head for the cover of trees further inland. I’ll circle back around to the hotel the long way, go to my room, change into my bathing suit for my ten o’clock shift, and pray that the footprints disappear under the tracks of other morning walkers. Then, I’ll do my job and make sure no one drowns, and act surprised when her body is found, whenever that may be.

‘Hey, slow down…’ I call out, as I suddenly realize Serena’s quite a bit ahead of me. I wouldn’t say I’m out of shape, but the pace petite Serena is setting is formidable.

She’s strong. Quick. In shape.

But I’m taller, and I have the benefit of surprise.

‘You’re dragging,’ she sings out in a teasing tone, and lifts her thermos again in invitation.

‘No, thanks,’ I say.

‘You know, I didn’t used to be a morning person either… but I’m on these pills and they are seriously amazing.’

‘Pills?’ I say, even though I’m not surprised.

‘Well … antidepressants.’

I stop walking. The rim of the sun is lighting up the water, and I feel the first hint of warmth in the breeze that brushes over my cheek.

‘You’re on antidepressants?’

Her expression scrunches. ‘I shouldn’t have blurted thatout. Please don’t mention it to Vic. I don’t want him to think I’m, like…’ She jiggles her hands and pulls a face. ‘Unstable.’

We keep walking, now abreast.

Part of me wants to say all the reassuring things I know are true. Struggling with depression is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s brave to get help. That’s what those medications are there for.

Instead, I stay silent, trying to reel back in the soft emotions her confession elicited, trying to return to the dead, droning removal she just cracked through.

‘It’s from growing up poor,’ Serena blurts out.Huh?‘Like, I have massive imposter syndrome, working here. Sometimes I just spiral, like– how long is it going to take everyone to realize I don’t belong?’ She laughs. ‘Did you know I had to practise to get rid of the twang in my accent? I’d watch the news and literally repeat everything the news anchors said, so I could sound smart and polished and professional. And my mom– she got so overweight, she literally couldn’t fit in a normal vehicle. She was homebound for years, and eventually she just… died on the couch watching TV.’ Serena shivers. ‘Anyway, I’ve worked really hard to be here– and that’s why these bonuses I was telling you about are so important to me. It’s me proving to myself I’m not going to end up like my parents did.’ She pauses and gives me a nervous side glance. ‘Sorry! I don’t know why all this stuff is spilling out!’

Probably because some part of you knows you’re about to die.

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