Page 142 of Our Secrets and Lies

‘Shut up, Ollie,’ Shannon shouted. ‘She was giving a blow job.’

‘Kelly?’ Billy gasped.

‘No! The other woman who looked like her.’

‘Oh, right,’ Billy said, his handon his heart.

‘Jesus Christ,’ Jenny spluttered. ‘That’s a whole new level of vicious. Those little bitches.’

‘Oh, my God, poor Kelly,’ Lucy said, her face white with shock. ‘I had no idea. I can’t believe the things they said, the shaming and slandering … It’s … it’s horrific.’

‘I swear to God I will kill those bitches,’ Dylan said, through gritted teeth. ‘I could rip them apart with my barehands. How could they?’

Billy went over and put his arm around his grandson. ‘Easy,’ he said to him. ‘Don’t let the anger take over.’

‘But I was in school with her,’ Dylan said, blinking back tears. ‘I should have seen it. I was right there. But I was too busy with my own stuff. Jesus, I’m so selfish. I’m –’ A sob caught in his throat and he leant against Billy and wept. Lucy thought her heartwould fall right out of her chest.

‘It’s the worst I ever heard,’ Darren said, shaking his head. ‘Poor Kelly.’

‘I should have told you,’ Shannon sobbed. ‘If she dies, it’s my fault.’

‘STOP!’ roared Ollie. ‘It’s not your fault, Shannon. You’re a brilliant friend. Kelly always said it, “Shannon is my best friend.” She’s not going to die. She’s an outsider like me, but that makes us strong andbrave. She won’t die. She’ll live and she’ll get better and go back and fight those bullies and stand up to them and not let them call her names and send videos and all that. Kelly’s brilliant and kind and smart and she won’t die.’ Ollie began to cry.

Shannon leant over and hugged her brother, their two heads bent together, shoulders shaking. Sarah came over to hug her children. ‘Now, now,’ shewhispered. ‘You have tostay strong. Kelly will pull through. And she’d be so upset to hear you sitting here blaming yourselves. I know she would.’

It’s not your fault, Shannon, Lucy thought. It’s mine. All mine. I am to blame for this, for my daughter’s despair. I did this to her. I pushed her and pushed her and I didn’t listen.

Jenny put her hand on Lucy’s arm. ‘Don’t.’

‘Don’t what?’

‘Don’tblame yourself. I can see it on your face.’

Lucy gulped back tears. ‘I did this, Jenny. I forced her to go to that school. I told her to try harder when she told me she hated it. I told her to be friendlier, to make more of an effort. Oh, Jesus, I sent her into that lions’ den every day. I didn’t listen. I was so wrapped up in St Jude’s and what it means to me. What kind of mother does that?I’m a monster, Jenny. I did this. Oh, Jesus … I did this to her.’

Jenny grabbed Lucy’s shoulders and shook her. ‘Stop it. You didn’t make this happen. Those disgusting vile bitches did. We all saw Kelly was unhappy, and we all missed just how bad it was. But that doesn’t mean we’re uncaring. It’s just that none of us could have imagined this was going on. No way.’

Lucy gripped Jenny’s arm. ‘She’smy daughter, my flesh and blood. I saw her every day. I knew she was unhappy, but I dismissed it as settling-in issues. I never in my wildest dreams imagined she was being tormented. Every day in school must have been a living hell. What if she dies, Jenny? What if I never get to tell her how sorry I am? She can’t die, Jenny, she’s my life.’

Jenny threw her arms around her sister and they criedtogether. Dylan came over and wrapped his arms around his mum. His phone began to ring. He looked at it.

‘It’s Taylor,’ he said.

‘Don’t answer it,’ Lucy said.

‘But, Mum, she only wants to –’

‘No, I mean, don’t tell her what’s happened,’ Lucy said, rubbing her face roughly with her hand. ‘I don’t want any of those bullies to be forewarned and able to get rid of evidence or come up with a storyor whatever. Just not yet, Dylan. Hold off for now.’

Dylan put his phone away. Lucy reached up to touch his face. ‘I love you, Dylan.’

‘I know, Mum.’

‘Does Kelly know I love her?’

Dylan’s face crumpled. ‘Yes. I just hope she knows I love her because I haven’t been acting like it. She’s my twin, she’s part of me, and I’ve just been pushing her away. I thought the video was nothing, a sick joke.I told her to ignore it. Jesus, what kind of a brother am I?’ He was crying again, and all Lucy could do was hold him.

They sat in silence for another half-hour. The tension in the room was suffocating. Ollie dozed off against Billy’s shoulder. Eventually, the door opened and a doctor in scrubs appeared. ‘I’m Dr Caffrey. Can I speak to Kelly’s parents, please?’

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