Page 144 of Our Secrets and Lies

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The Intensive Care Unit was very quiet. It was eleven p.m. and the night staff had come on duty. The lights were low. Sarah and her family had gone home some time ago, after it became clear that Kelly’s condition was improving but they wouldn’t be allowed to see her that night. Ollie and Shannon were drooping with exhaustion, so Sarah and Darren had bundled them up and taken them home.

Ithad been difficult to convince Jenny to leave, but eventually Lucy had persuaded her. She had an early shoot the following day, and there was nothing more she could do. It was just Lucy, Billy and Dylan left in the waiting room. Billy insisted he would stay to drive them home. None of them wanted to be anywhere else.

Lucy had drunk so much coffee, she could feel her heart racing. She couldn’tface food. Billy had brought in sandwiches and chocolate bars, but she couldn’t eat a thing. She just drank coffee and prayed.

The door of the waiting room opened and a nurse came in.

‘Yours is a long vigil,’ she said, smiling at them. ‘You’re Kelly’s family, aren’t you?’

‘Yes,’ Lucy said. ‘Is there any news?’

‘I’m Aideen, and I’ll be minding Kelly for the night. She’s doing well, vitals allgood. She’s young and strong, which helps a lot.’

‘Is there any chance we could see her?’ Dylan asked, stepping forward. ‘Even just for a few minutes. I’d just loveto …’ He bit his lip. ‘Just to see her, touch her hand, let her know we’re here.’

The nurse smiled at him. ‘You’ve had a really bad day,’ she said kindly. ‘Look, let me check. Give me two minutes.’ She went out and left them aloneagain.

‘I’ll let you two go in,’ Billy said.

‘What? Oh, no, Dad. You’ve waited just as long. And you adore her as much as we do.’

‘I know,’ Billy said. ‘But they’re probably doing us a favour to let us in at all at this hour. Three is a bit much. I want you two to see her. Just tell her I love her, and that I’m here.’

Lucy squeezed his hand. ‘Thanks, Dad.’

‘Right,’ Aideen said, coming backinto the room. ‘I’ve checked and you can go in. Not for long, but we know how important it is for you to see her. Follow me, and if you can go quietly, please. Most of the patients are sleeping now.’

Lucy and Dylan walked along the quiet corridors. The bluish glow of the night lights made it feel like a dream. Lucy felt almost disoriented, as if she was in a halfway world, between real and not-real,felt like a ghost.

‘Here we are,’ Aideen said, pushing through a set of double doors. ‘She’s in here.’ She turned right, walked past a nurses’ station, and in through a door.

Lucy held her breath, almost afraid to see her daughter. Dylan took her hand and they went into the room together.

Kelly was lying on the bed on her back, breathing steadily. The machine beside her beeped quietly, andshe was hooked up to a drip. She looked incredibly peaceful. There were two other women in the room, both sleeping. Aideen pulled the curtain around Kelly’s bed and gestured to the chairs on either side of it. ‘Sit down there now and let her hear your voices,’ she said. ‘I’ll give you ten minutes, okay?’

‘Thank you so very much,’ Lucy said.

They approached the bed and went either side to sitdown. Kelly seemed so pale and young – Lucy was afraid that if she touched her, she would disappear.

Dylan reached out and stroked her face. ‘Kelly,’ he whispered. ‘I’m here.’

Lucy swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched him look tenderly at his sister. He brushed her hair back from her forehead, then bent to kiss the top of her head.

‘I’m so sorry, Kelly,’ he murmured. ‘I didn’t understand.I was useless to you. I wasn’t there when you needed me. But I will be from now on. I promise.’ He was still stroking her face. ‘I’ll be here properly for you, Kelly,’ he said. ‘Like you’ve been for me since the day we were born.’

A small sound came from the bed. Kelly stirred slightly, then her eyelids fluttered. Dylan and Lucy sat forwards, staring intently at her. Slowly, her eyes opened.She looked at them tiredly. Then she smiled.

‘Kelly,’ Lucy said, reaching to take her hand. ‘Can you hear us?’

Kelly nodded slightly, as if the effort was almost too much.

‘Oh, Kelly, I love you and I’m so sorry.’ Lucy kissed her forehead. ‘I’d better get the nurse and tell her you’re awake.’ She jumped up and walked quickly out onto the corridor.

Kelly whispered something. Dylan didn’t catchit. He leant down, putting his ear to her lips.

‘I’m sorry.’

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