Page 23 of Our Secrets and Lies

She’d found it when she’d met Darren and she was never letting him go. Darren was the piece of her life that had been missing. He would look athis daughter the way Billy looked at Lucy. Darren would be a brilliant dad.

But Sarah had lied about it because Lucy didn’t need to hear that. She’d told her that having a good mum was all a child needed, and that Lucy would be the most amazing mum in the world. Besides, the kids would have Billy, who would be an amazing granddad, so they’d have a positive male figure in their lives. That hadseemed to make Lucy feel better.

‘I do have some good news,’ Lucy said. ‘I got my results and I got a first.’

‘What?’ Sarah whooped. ‘You are unbelievable! In the middle of all this crap you get yourself a first! Honestly, Lucy, you really are Wonder Woman! You can do anything.’

Lucy smiled. ‘Dad hasn’t stopped crying – he’s over the moon. Mum cried too. At least I’ve been able to make themcry with happiness for once. It makes the guilt of the mess I’ve caused a little less horrible.’

‘They adore you. You can never change that.’

I’ve certainly put their love to the test, Lucy thought grimly. ‘Look at my ankles!’ She swung her feet out from under the kitchen table. ‘Huge.’

‘It’s just the pregnancy, don’t worry. You’ll be skinny Lucy again soon.’

‘Jenny calls me Moby-Dick. Tobe honest, I was surprised she knew who the character was.’ Lucy grinned.

‘You’re very hard on her. She’s smart, you know. Not book smart like you, but street smart, and she really is brilliant with make-up.’

‘I know, but where’s that going to get her?’

‘Where’s hairdressing going to get me?’

‘I didn’t mean it like that. You’re an amazing hairdresser and you’re planning to open your own salon.You’re going places fast. A lot faster than me, that’s for sure. It’s just that Jenny is kind of lazy. She just thinks she can do make-up and have a career. She seems to have forgotten the working-hard part. The part where you have to work for free and build up a portfolio and all that.’

She had a point. Jennywaslazy, but Sarah had seen how passionate she was about make-up. She recognized thatpassion: it was the way she’d felt about hair when she was sixteen. It was all she’d wanted to do. Her mother had badgered her into going to college and she’d had enough points to do an arts degree, but Sarah had put her foot down and said no. She’d gone straight into a salon and worked her way up. After only three years she was a senior stylist.

Lucy didn’t understand because she wasn’t creative,but Sarah could see that Jenny had lots of talent. ‘Jenny will learn all that along the way. I just don’t think your parents should force her to go to college. There’s no point. She’ll be miserable and probably wasting her time. She needs to do a make-up course at night and get experience during the day.’

‘Well, you know what Dad’s like about university. He’s obsessed with us going and betteringourselves. He hates the fact that he had to leave school at fourteen and he’s worked so hard building up the business so we can have a better life than him. He’s always wanted more for us …’ Lucy’s voice shook. ‘I’ve let him down so badly. Sometimes I catch him looking at me and his face is so sad. I know this is killing him. I have to figure out a way to be a good mother and finish my degree.I can’t blow it all. I have to make Dad proud of me again.’

‘Come on,’ Sarah said. ‘This is just a bump in the road. You’ll get back on track. Look at your exam results, for goodness’ sake. Billy and Tina are so proud of you getting a first!But, Lucy, you have to give yourself time. Take the year off and see how things go. You may need to take two years off. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.’

Lucy shook her head. ‘There’s no way I’m taking two years off. I’m already freaking about postponing for twelve months. I’ve done some reading over the summer, to try to get ahead and keep on top of things. I have to get a first in my finals. I want to prove to Dad and to Gabriel, Tom and everyone else, but most of all to myself, that I can do it. I have to, Sarah, I can’t let this ruin my life.’

‘You will do well in your finals and the babies won’t ruin your life, but give yourself a break for the next few months. You’ve had a lot to deal with.’

Lucy twirled the water glass in her hands. She whispered, ‘Do you think he’ll come back? I keep hoping he will.’

Her friend looked so lost, Sarah thought. ‘Sure, he might, but maybe best not to get your hopes up too much.’

A tear ran down Lucy’scheek. ‘How could he do this to me? I’ll never forgive him, Sarah, never. If he doesn’t come back for the birth he’s dead to me for ever.’

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