Page 27 of Our Secrets and Lies

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Sarah held out her hand. Lucy gasped and pulled it up to her face. The ring was small but pretty. ‘Oh, my God, it’s beautiful! When did he propose?’

‘A while ago,’ Sarah admitted, ‘but we wanted to wait and … well … we’re going to get married in a month and I want you to be my bridesmaid.’

Lucy slapped a smile on her face. Bridesmaid? She’d barely lost any of her baby weight. The twins wereonly three weeks old and they were taking up all of her time. Some days she didn’t even have time to wash. How the hell was she supposed to lose weight and fit into a bridesmaid’s dress?

As if reading her mind Sarah said, ‘You’re the only bridesmaid, so you can wear anything you like. I won’t make you wear some mint-green dress with matching shoes and bows. Honestly, you can choose your own outfit.’

Lucy now smiled properly. ‘God, thanks. I was a bit worried there.’

Sarah laughed. ‘I saw your fake-smile. Look, I know it’s a bit soon after the babies, but Darren’s mad keen to get married and start a family, so I may well be pushing a buggy around soon too.’

‘That would be great,’ Lucy said, grabbing her hand. ‘We could help each other out.’

‘Exactly.’

Lucy felt like crying. If Sarah hada baby, she wouldn’t feel like such a failure. All right, Sarah would have done it the ‘right way’, but at least Lucy would have someone to talk to ofher own age with a kid. She could moan about lack of sleep and how difficult she found it to settle Kelly after every feed, and how sometimes she wanted to put her in her cot and walk away.

She could tell Sarah how lonely she felt at night, whenit was just her and the babies. Sometimes fear overwhelmed her. How was she going to cope? How could she raise them on her own? What was she going to tell them about their dad? Would she lie and say he’d died in a car crash? Would she say it was a one-night stand and she didn’t know his name? Or would she tell them the truth – that he abandoned them, ran away like a coward and wanted nothing todo with them?

When she watched them sleeping and tried to figure out how to tell them why they had no dad, Lucy felt bereft. She didn’t want them to know hurt or rejection. It wasn’t fair. They were innocent little victims.

All of her other friends were either in college, had gone off travelling or were working in full-time jobs and busy all the time. At least with Sarah living so close by andhaving Sundays and Mondays off work, Lucy got to see her a lot.

‘Where are you having it?’

‘Well, with me saving to open my own salon and Darren saving for a house, we’re pretty broke. Darren asked the football club if they’d give us the hall and they said yes. So, it’ll be just a small wedding, nothing fancy.’

‘It’ll be great. You’re brilliant together and I’m thrilled for you.’ Lucy huggedher. ‘What can I do to help?’

Sarah laughed. ‘You can get some rest so you don’t fall asleep at eight o’clock. You look exhausted. Are they up all night?’

Lucy nodded. ‘Dylan’s easy – he just eats and sleeps – but Kelly’s hard work. She takes ages to digest her milk and criesall the time. Mum thinks she might be a bit colicky. It’s hard work though at four in the morning when you’ve had nosleep and she’s crying for an hour.’

Sarah peered at the sleeping baby. ‘She looks so sweet there.’

‘She’s sweet when she’s asleep! … Have you got your dress yet?’

‘I got a gorgeous one from a second-hand shop in town. I’ve had it taken up and changed the sleeves, but it’s really nice.’

‘Good for you. And how’s your mum? Is she happy for you?’

Sarah sighed. ‘Mum’s being her usual enthusiasticself. She told me I’m too young, too impulsive, that I don’t know Darren well enough, that he’ll let me down because all men are useless bastards, the usual cheerful chat. Honestly, she’s wasted her whole life being bitter.’

Sarah’s mother, Helen, was a sour woman. Lucy barely remembered her smiling. Everything was always wrong or awful or a disaster waiting to happen. It was amazing that Sarahhad turned out to be so cheerful. Lucy reckoned that Sarah’s drive to have her own business and succeed was because she’d watched her mother waste her life. Sarah had been talking about opening a hairdressing salon since she was thirteen.

Lucy was glad her best friend had Darren: he’d never let her down. She had chosen well, unlike Lucy and ‘Tom the Tosser’, as Jenny now called him.

‘I’m goingto ask Jenny to do my make-up as my wedding present,’ Sarah said, ‘and I hope you’re okay with this but I was going to ask Billy to give me away. Would that be weird for you?’

‘Not at all. He’ll be delighted.’ Lucy turned to tuck Dylan’s blankets in. She didn’t want Sarah to see her face. She washappy for Billy to give Sarah away, but Lucy knew that he would probably never give herself away.Who’d want to take on a woman with twins? It would be hard to see him walking Sarah up the aisle, knowing he’d never do it with his elder daughter.

But then again, Lucy had a brilliant dad and Sarah had none, so how could she be selfish about it? She gathered herself and turned back to Sarah. ‘Let’s go and tell him now. He’ll be so chuffed.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Totally.’

Just as they were headingdownstairs, Kelly began to cry. ‘You go ahead, I’ll just settle her,’ Lucy said.

While Lucy paced her bedroom floor trying to stop her baby girl crying, she heard whoops and cheers from downstairs. Her dad’s voice carried up to her. ‘I’d be honoured, Sarah. What a lovely thing to look forward to. Thank you.’

Lucy buried her face in her daughter’s body and cried with her. Hearing the joy in herfather’s voice had cut her like a knife. She held Kelly and rocked her. She was sick of feeling useless and lost and miserable. There was something she could do about it, and she was bloody well going to do it.

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