Page 39 of Our Secrets and Lies

Her phone beeped. It was a message from Lucy:Are u on ur way home?Kelly knew her mum loved her, but she wished she’d back off and let her breathe. She was always on her case,checking where she was, who she was with and what she was doing. Jenny said it was because she was afraid Kelly might make the ‘same mistake’.

But Kelly wasn’t stupid: she wouldn’t have unprotectedsex with anyone. She knew the risks – she’d heard her mum talk about them often enough. But obviously Lucy didn’t think so and was planning to stalk her until she got married. Even Shannon thoughtLucy was ridiculously over-protective. She’d nicknamed her the Jailer.

The really annoying thing was that Lucy wasn’t as hard on Dylan. She kept a close eye on him, but nothing like the steel grip she had on Kelly. ‘Dylan’s a boy,’ her mum had said, when Kelly complained. ‘They get to walk away. Girls get left holding the babies.’

If Lucy didn’t tell them so often how much she loved them andhow they were her world, Kelly would have thought sometimes that she regretted having them, but she knew she didn’t. On every Christmas, birthday and family occasion, Lucy would say the same thing: ‘You two are my world and my life. I love you more than anything.’ Then she’d get all choked up and cry. It was embarrassing and kind of awkward, but Kelly still liked her mum saying it. It made up forthe feeling she had sometimes that Lucy had sacrificed so much for them that they had ruined her dreams.

Kelly wondered if Lucy was lonely. She had Billy, but your dad wasn’t the same as a husband or boyfriend. Lucy was pretty, but she never seemed to date anyone. Kelly had asked her once if she’d like to meet a man, but she had laughed in a don’t-be-ridiculous way and said, ‘I don’t have timefor a man and, besides, I’m perfectly happy with you and Dylan.’

And she did seem happy. When they were younger, Saturday night was movie night. Billy would go to the pub with his friends, and Lucy, Kelly and Dylan would cuddle up on the couch under a big duvet with a box of chocolates and watch movies. Kelly always remembered her mum saying it was her favourite time of the week.

But when they’dgot older Dylan had started going outwith his mates and Kelly usually called over to Shannon’s house to watch a movie or do make-up and hair and try on each other’s clothes. So, for the past few years, Lucy had been on her own every Saturday. Sometimes Kelly stayed in with her because she felt sorry for her and wanted to keep her company.

She was glad when her mum had trained as a humanist celebrantfive years ago, although in the beginning they’d all thought Lucy had gone mad and wanted to be a vicar or a priest or something. But when she’d explained it to them, it sounded quite cool. Kelly didn’t believe in God and thought the humanist way was brilliant. Humanists believe that the happiness of humans depends on people, rather than on religion, and Kelly one hundred per cent agreed.As Lucy had explained, ‘It’s about being good without God.’

Billy had been wary. He’d thought it was a cult and that Lucy was going to end up taking the twins to live in some commune. He was very against her doing it, but when she’d explained it to him and told him she’d be earning up to seven hundred euros per wedding, he’d come round to the idea.

Kelly thought it was kind of cool to have amum who married gay people – almost half of her mum’s weddings were gay couples – and she’d done naming ceremonies for gay couples with kids. It was weird, though: she was open-minded, accepting and kind to everyone except Kelly. With Kelly, Lucy was always super-strict and obsessed with her getting a good degree so she could always support herself.

As Kelly walked down the road from the salonto her house, she resolved to do what Sarah had said. She’d try to fit in at St Jude’s and make her mum happy. But she had a feeling it wasn’t going to be easy. Maybe if she worked hard and got good results, she could talk to her about not wanting to do law. If she showed her how hard she was willing to workand try to fit in at school, maybe they’d stop fighting and Kelly could explain to herthat she really wanted a career in fashion.

When she was younger she’d played along with the law thing because she’d seen how proud and happy it made her mum. Every time Lucy had said, ‘My Kelly’s going to be a lawyer,’ and beamed at her, it had made Kelly feel all warm inside. Lately, though, she’d tried dropping hints about fashion and showing her mum some of the clothes she’d made, but Lucyjust treated it as a ‘little hobby’.

Kelly had no idea how to explain to her mother that her ‘little hobby’ was her life’s passion. If only she had finished her own stupid law degree, perhaps she wouldn’t be trying to force Kelly to live the life she’d wanted. Kelly felt as if somehow she had to make up for her mother’s mistakes and it was starting to get to her.

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