Page 45 of Our Secrets and Lies

‘Did you ever look up your exes on Facebook?’ Jenny asked.

Lucy, Sarah and Darren shook their heads.

‘I’ve been with Darren since I was fifteen,’ Sarah said. ‘I don’t really have any exes.’

‘I’m basically a nun,’ Lucy said.

‘God, you’re hopeless,’ Jenny said, taking out her iPad. ‘Okay,what about people we were in school with?’

They spent the next hour looking up everyone theyremembered and laughing or ogling at their lives. Some looked the same, some looked awful and some looked amazing.

‘Wow! Fiona Keane must have had work done.’ Sarah peered at the screen over Jenny’s shoulder.

‘Definitely a lip job, a nose job and Botox,’ Jenny agreed.

‘How can you tell?’ Lucy asked.

‘I work with people’s faces every day. I can always tell when they’ve had work done.’

‘Well, she looks good,’ Sarah said.

‘She looks weird,’ Darren said. ‘Her lips are too big.’

‘Really? I think she looks great. Maybe I should get a lip job.’ Sarah put her hand up to her small, thin lips.

‘Don’t even think about it. Guys like natural, not fake,’ Darren said. ‘I like you the way you are.’

He leaned over and kissed her as Jenny made vomit noises.

Lucy thought it was lovely that Sarah and Darren were still so in love – he was mad about her. She missed that sometimes. Mostly she was too busy to think about men, with the twins, her dad and the shop, doing Sarah’s wages and her accounts, but sometimes she’d feel a huge wave of loneliness wash over her. She’d never known love. Not sinceTom. She doubted she ever would now. Her kids filled her heart with love, and she was grateful for that, but if she was honest, she sometimes craved male love and companionship. To have someone look at her the way Darren looked at Sarah, it was … well, it was beautiful.

‘Actually, Darren, I think some guys like fake,’ Jenny said. ‘I doubt Pamela Anderson sleeps alone.’

‘Well, she had a lot ofvery good natural ingredients to work with,’ Darren said, with a grin.

Jenny looked back at her iPad. ‘Lucy, have you ever looked up Tom?’

Lucy froze. Sarah held her breath.

Through gritted teeth, Lucy hissed, ‘No, I haven’t, and I never will. I don’t want to know or hear about him. Ever. Why the hell would I want to see how great his life is on Facebook? Jesus, Jenny, have you forgotten whathe did to me? To my children? They have never had a father. There is a huge hole in their lives where Tom was supposed to be. I hate him. I fucking hate him.’ Lucy stood up and grabbed her coat. ‘I need to go home. I’ve got a headache.’

‘Lucy, I’m sorry,’ Jenny said. ‘Come on, don’t go.’

‘It’s fine. I’m just tired and the wine’s gone to my head. But please do not ever mention his name again.’

Sarah walked her out to the front door. ‘Are you really okay?’

Lucy’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Yes – I shouldn’t have drunk so much. It’s ridiculous, but even after all these years when I hear his name, it’s like a dagger in my stomach. I still can’t believe he did that to me and the kids. I guess I’ll never get over it.’

‘Don’t go. Stay, and we’ll talk nonsense again.’

Lucy shook her head.‘No, I want to sleep this off. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘Okay. Love you.’ They hugged and Lucy wandered off into the night.

Sarah went back into the kitchen.

‘Is she all right?’ Jenny was worried.

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